"Poor care in ICU"

In September my husband was admitted to A&E and transferred to ICU where he spent a week before dying.  ICU changed their rules about who could be given information about him and who could visit every day. Although I felt they consistently treated me with total disdain despite being his wife of 44 years. We were separated but cared deeply about one another.  

I feel they chose to play God and define us by something that happened in that one week when he was barely conscious. I felt victimised by ICU staff, other people who barely knew my husband had no questions asked or judgements made about them.  I found this appalling and all the more so that it was ICU.  Apparently it was their compassion which allowed me to be there for his last moments prior to his ventilator being removed. IT was too late and too distressing. My husband died alone and that has had a massive impact on my life.  

My only value seems to have been to collect his death certificate and arrange his funeral. Two long standing friends rang to ask about my husband and no-one even had the courtesy to ask them for their names so he never knew they had expressed any concerns.  They too felt they were treated as if they were an inconvenience.  At the end of life when I was suddenly allowed in ICU they appeared to feel it was appropriate to regard my husband's brother as his next of kin, despite the fact he has Stage Three Bowel Cancer and had to travel over 400 miles to visit.  

Presumably myself and my brother in law were needed to give approval for the removal of the ventilator.  A horrible traumatic experience which no-one should ever have to face.  ICU's care in this instance guaranteed my husband died alone as the week progressed.  

Pursuing a complaint has involved liaising with their Patient Experience Team.  How hurtful to regard death as an experience.  Their response to my complaint itemises my concerns and then ignores some of them.  The response has taken two months and has not even been spell checked, and despite it allegedly coming from the Chief Executive no-one has even bothered to add a personal signature.