"Disappointment and lack of communication and compassion"

It seems when I struggle the most, I get less support, they seem to forget I have issues and or, 10 mins if lucky they will then cancel an appointment I’ve worked myself up for. 

I can’t rant about anything without punishment and my own CPN wouldn’t speak to me about the issue before they disregarded me. 

When I finally started making positive moves they don’t take it into account and cancel those positive moves without thought of how long it’s taken, also knowing how I'm feeling suicidal frustrated and only just taken me off meds that they weren’t supposed to fully take me off, then wonder why I start showing signs of irritability.

They showed more care on their own staff over a passing (yes angered) comment knowing through years of no violence or behaviour to suggest so. Clearly even even in the moment a comment was made whilst in desperation for myself and a loved one, a loved one who’s CPN I’d never meet, so regardless of my severe anxiety to the point my panic attacks have brought on my seizures yet now over a CPN I’ll never meet and yes admittedly said one thing out of turn in anger tears and desperation to die, to my own CPN. I’m called after my appointment was scheduled I had a phone call telling me I’m only allowed to see my cpn at Stonebridge which is 2 busses away through town center in which I can’t use transport. 

The more I seem to need them the more they only seem to look after themselves every time!  

I, for so long have said to them I’ve needed more help, I also have a new OTA I now clearly can’t work with them to even help me get out, which was the plan because of this decision. I have apologised and explained the state I was in and reminded them I’m not only human and a human worried that my only friend is struggling and so am I.

My friend's CPN isn’t supporting her properly, missing meds and appointments all the time. Phoning my friend telling her they are taking the afternoon off all blasé, now my friend can’t go into her usual respite because her CPN messed up her meds - so my mate had to find her own and the crisis team wouldn’t sort her meds out either. She is now banned for misuse of drugs. It feels every time we feel worse, and we show we feel worse, these people reject any actions that show mental health struggles. But why??

I’ve now lost 5 friends because of this kind of thing and I’m tired of this I’m tired of life and I’m tired of not being able to not being able to offload without discrimination