"Finding the new me through an eating disorder"

I was admitted informally into Hopewood following an eating disorder that had completely consumed all aspects of my life; all my passion and interests were void and the only thing I felt I wanted to be was unhappy. I’d had enough. I was determined to get my life back on track and follow a passion of baking rather than continue with my A Levels, of which I thought I’d been pressured into doing rather than for enjoyment.

Although initially determined, I felt scared at the prospect of gaining weight, meeting new people and returning to the person I used to be, as I’d never been happy with myself, and I wanted to unveil the new me. But as time went on and my brain moved out of starvation mode, I rediscovered my sense of purpose that I had lost, through helping the other inpatients with recovery. I began to see my future as exciting and unplanned, rather than lying ready before me, applying for baking colleges and inquiring about a possible job as a junior sous chef.

Thanks to all the staff and inpatients at Hopewood, I was able to rekindle my zest for life and positive attitude. There was always people willing to talk to me and console me of my problems, and even when I was at my worst, wishing to no longer be alive, there was always a member of staff ready to say the right thing and remind me of my end goal - my future happiness. Managing my distress and emotions post-meals was something I struggled with, but I eventually found my ultimate distraction through watching movies, reading my favourite books and doing jigsaws with the other inpatients, while talking to them about all sorts of things.

My experience at Hopewood was really positive and full of positive influences that I have learnt a lot from. I cannot thank Hopewood enough for saving me from a fate of unhappiness, and my experience couldn’t have been any better. Recovery is not linear, I am aware that there will still be blips in the road, but I can take all my new skills from Hopewood with me into the wide world and put them into action. I am determined to make a full recovery and live my life as the new me, rather than one still burdened by Anorexia.