"Our time at the hospice"

Mum had been battling cancer for 2.5 years from Dec 2017 till April 2020 and I had been by her side along with my father throughout this cancer journey. She had countless hospital appointments and treatments and we wanted to care for mum at home, but then her health started getting a lot worse. A few St Luke’s nurses had visited mum at home and they could see she was really not well or coping within the home environment. A senior nurse then told us that she was going to get mum a bed at the hospice.

I wanted to visit the hospice first before mum was admitted in order to see what it was like. When I walked into their inpatient unit a nurse sat me down and I had a bit of cry with her. I said I don’t know if I want mum to leave home because I don’t know if she is ever going to come back. She said let’s just try it and mum can always go back home if she doesn’t like. The nurse put my mind at ease and said mum would be getting her own room with a garden view. Mum loves her garden and I knew she would appreciate the privacy and the views of the beautiful garden.

Mum loved the hospice. It was so much more peaceful than being at home. There were no longer so many visits from carers, district nurses, family, friends, gp and neighbours and so many phone calls coming through. Mums bed was situated in the living room at home opposite the kitchen so there was never any peace and quiet. Taking mum to St Luke’s inpatient unit was the best decision we had ever made. We all felt mum should have come to St Luke’s earlier.

Mum had an amazing relationship with the hospice staff, they were all so caring and kind. I could see how they called her by her first name, gave dignity and respect until the end, covering her clothes, showering her and asking what she would like to eat daily. Her room was cleaned daily and she had daily visits by the doctors.

The hospice therapist who gave mum foot massages was absolutely brilliant. Mum loved the smells of the lavender, the peace and quiet and she always looked forward to it. It made mum feel really relaxed and she could sleep much quicker and with more ease. It was a really nice treat for mum.

The doctors were great. One doctor told me that she thought mum was so brave to have been fighting this illness for so long and for mum to accept her end of life journey. She explained things really nicely and said try and enjoy the little things and don’t worry about eating, if you can’t eat then don’t eat. She was very patient and kind. All the staff kept commenting on how I was part of the furniture as I lived at the hospice for over 5 weeks, my routine was arriving at 8pm staying the night and leaving at 7am. Then coming back at 9am armed with a homemade Strawberry smoothie which was the only thing mum could have.  The amount of time I spent with her during her final weeks were truly a godsend and something which I will never forget. We had so many opportunities to talk, cry, cuddle and kiss each other as mother and daughter. She always wanted me with her and knew she could rely on me to do anything she needed or get her anything she needed.

I knew mum didn’t have long and I said to the staff that it would mean a lot to me if I could have every waking moment with her. The nurses were amazing and let me sleep at the hospice every night on the pull-out bed in her room. 

Mum has never had a manicure or pedicure before in her life. A manicurist that I knew came in as this was allowed as it was at the start of covid, and they pampered mum and made it special for her. It was a real nice treat for her and even better when the manicurist donated the cost of the service to St Lukes charity box at reception.

I also had hand statues done of my mum at home. When the moulds were ready and finished the artist brought these to St Luke’s to show us. We had mum’s open palm,  me and mum clasping hands and my daughter and my mum clasping hands. We were allowed to bring the artist into the bedroom and took some photos with mum holding the statues.  The hospice staff admired these and stated it was a lovely way to remember mum.

We celebrated mothers day and mum and dad’s 49th wedding anniversary at the hospice. Caroline (PFSS) got us some balloons, banners and cupcakes on the day. I decorated the room and on the day hospice staff, Stella and Caroline came in with 25 cupcakes! Which was truly a lovely gesture during sad times.  They said it is for you and your family and we took lots of photos with staff and tried to celebrate as best as we could.  I got mum two personalised cards with her photos on them which we placed on her bedroom table.  Whenever staff entered her room they would commented how beautiful she looked in them and how I looked just like her.  These positive comments lifted mums spirit even for a while and brought a smile to her face. Mum was touched by the anniversary celebration.

Sadly because of the coronavirus restrictions, only 1 person was allowed to visit mum. Mum chose me to be with her and Dad wasn’t able to see mum for 2 weeks which was hard for my parents. However the nurse let dad talk to mum through the garden windows a couple of times which really helped during this difficult period.

In mum’s final week they allowed dad to come in with masks and gloves but it could only be one of us as only 1 visitor was allowed in the room. As mum became really poorly, dad and I were both able to be there with mum. I have not left mum’s side in her 2 and half year fight with cancer and I did not want mum to die on her alone and on her own. I wanted us around her to comfort her and to ensure she felt loved and supported. I don’t know if she could see us or hear us but I think it’s nice she knew someone was there and she didn’t die alone. As mum took her last breath we both held her hands and told her lots of positive things until she died in our arms. As soon as she stopped breathing a member of staff came in and comforted us as we were in shock/ denial.

My brother came down from Bedfordshire a few hours after mum had passed away. He was allowed to say goodbye to mum in a special room at the hospice. He was so lucky he could say his final goodbye as I know many other people in the community have lost family and haven’t had this opportunity because of coronavirus.  

The hospice team are like family to us. The service that was provided was outstanding and I admire the work that everyone does. The hospice will always have a special place in my heart and special memories I shared with mum and the staff.  When I visit

in the future I will sit and remember her experience at the hospice and so will my daughter.