"Partners Mum"

My partner's mum has been ill for some time, but like any mother didn’t want to show it.  It was Easter Sunday 2019, my partner had just picked her mum of from Hospital, she went in on Good Friday, as she hadn’t been feeling too good and with a history of two heart attacks it was for the best.

We had just come back from a short break in the Lake District, And my other half was excited to be picking her mum up and telling her all about it.

She picked her mum up and dropped her home, spent an hour or so with her to make sure she was comfortable and that her dad was ok.  Checking they had got essentials for a few days so they could manage and we could do a shop for them later in the week. When my other half returned home, we ordered a take away and enjoyed the last dregs of the sun in our garden.

Later that night, my other half phone rang. It would be a call that would change our lives forever, we were about to spend the most traumatic 4 weeks imaginable for us.  There was to be no happy ending.

I could hear the panic in both my other half and her dads voice, this was not good.  She told me what her dad said and she left.   10 minutes later she rang in tears sobbing, I said I’m on my way and set off.  

The journey takes about 20 minutes, it felt longer, taking no notice of anything but just a focus to get there.   I pulled up outside the house, there were 2 paramedics crews , my heart sank.

My partner's mum had collapsed in the bathroom, fallen against the door effectively locking herself in. Her husband who is not very able had been to his shed a good 30 meter distance from the house and had crow-barred the door off. The paramedics team we’re trying their best to establish what was going on.  We felt helpless, what had happened, how, 4 hours ago she was laughing and joking, planning a roast dinner and looking forward to our next visit.

We were asked questions about medical  issues , lifestyle and general health and wellbeing. 

Whilst we just wandered aimlessly round the house.  

We were lost upset and just wanted her to be ok.  

An hour or so later, they made the decision to take her away to hospital, the nearest was 10 minutes not the first choice but as the paramedics said, every second is vital, and within minutes she was taken down the stairs in a stretcher into the back of the waiting ambulance.   

We waited and waited, the ambulance didn’t move just stood lights and engine on. What’s going on , what’s happening this isn’t good.  It felt an age, then they went full sirens, we gave chase. 

The journey we sat in silence, with our own dark dark thoughts, passing the busy nightlife of the town, how could they possibly enjoying them selves , I felt angry.   

We arrived at the hospital, made our way to A n E , the receptionist had a look of “I’m sorry for you” on her face as we went to the waiting area.    And so began a night of sheer anguish, emotional strain and frustration.

We sat and waited, drank tea, drank water, drank more tea, walked outside.  

This only happens in films I thought, not to us.  

It does happen it’s very very real.

We found out what was going on in the early hours of the morning.

A staff nurse had stayed by her side, letting us have a quick visit to the cubicle, he was passionate and reassuring, it’s what we wanted to hear. My partner's mum was almost in some activated nightmare, lashing about unable to control her left side, however her right side remained motionless.

It was a stroke.

We got word a surgeon from another hospital had been called, he would be there within the hour, something he was a specialist in, we had hope, I imagined him with a police escort being driven by a chauffeur, just like a film.

He came, he tried , he couldn’t do what he wanted, she would have to be with some considerable risk moved to another hospital.  

We were told to go home and wait for a call.   It was now around 6.30 am.

We got in, the house was cold, there was the odd piece of used medical equipment wrapping in the hall on the stairs.  What do we do now?

We put the bathroom door on, tried to keep busy.  Charged our phones and waited and waited.

We rang at 11.  She had made it and was “comfortable “. Music to our ears.   We could go over and visit.

We were shown to an ICU ward, My partner's mum was in a gown with like an oven mitt on, to protect her arm as she had been flailing it about.  My other half rushed to her and undid the Velcro protecting her fingers and gripped her hand , I well up now just thinking about it.  It was difficult.  She couldn’t speak or communicate, just stare and try to want to get out of the bed.  She couldn’t.  

She was poorly, very poorly, she had a stroke and heart attack, and her heart had been torn damage was irreparable.   

And so then for the next four weeks, we lived on a knife edge, day after day we would get a call, “we think you need to get here now, her condition has got worse “. Each time, we expect the worse, by the time we get there she had stabilised, we wait an hour , sometimes two sometimes 4 until we are content to leave her.  This process happens almost every other day for over 3 weeks.   Our lives are shot, my other half is signed off work to look after her dad and visit the hospital.

One Sunday we get a call.  The weather was sunny, it was now May, we were in limbo.

We make our way to the hospital, the consultants want to see us.  They can do nothing more, they have tried , but she is losing the fight a combination of machine and medicine are keeping her alive.

My partner said , what must mum be thinking, this was no way to live.   They went to see her, held her hand and gave her a kiss, she looked well , Colour in her cheeks her hair brushed, a glint in her eye, but no smile, a look of confusion and frustration in her face.  

We will make her as comfortable as we can the consultant said,   Ok, you know best.

We left, confused, is that it?   We waited for a call , it didn’t come that night, my other half and her dad went to the hospital again, she was the same, they spent a few hours, came home.  

Maybe the consultant was wrong?  She looked better , no rasping cough, calmer less clammy, still on oxygen but more relaxed looking.   We will go again Tuesday, so they did, same , she looked as well as could be expected.   We had tea and went to bed.

23.51 the phone rings. It was my other half’s dad, we had been living these calls for weeks, but this was differs.  We drove to his house and he drove us to the hospital.  The corridors were silent, mixed with the smell of cleaning fluid and cooked food.

We made our way to the ward, after picking up a wheelchair for her dad, into the lift, all in silence.

We pressed the ward buzzer, we were greeted by a familiar nurse.

“I’m so sorry, Jayne passed away 10 minutes ago, I held her hand I didn’t want her to be alone “

To us, that’s all we needed.  She wasn’t alone and for that we are eternally grateful.