"50 yrs of not talking to someone"

My story is about 50 yrs of not talking to someone about my past experiences.

I was accused last year of being dishonest and a fraud which all turned out to be untrue but the impact this had on my life was unbelievable it brought out a trauma that had happened to me some 50 yrs ago I was sexually abused by one of my brothers he was also in trouble with the police a lot I saw the inside of most prisons and was terrified by this and vowed i would never ever be like this.

In them days at first i thought it was the norm to have this sort of abuse but did not understand why my other 2 brothers did not do it to me as i got older the abuse continued but i was too scared to say anything back then in them days i feared that i might be taken away from my family and would never see them again so i just kept my mouth shut the abuse went on for years and only stopped either while he was in prison or he eventually moved out my brother was also involved with domestic violence all his girlfriends and wives were victims of this heartbreaking to watch one of his wives being hit by him he was no brother of mine he was and still is a vile person who unfortunatly is allowed to walk and breathe on this planet but he is now an old man who is on his own.

About 7 years ago i found out that one of my other brothers had also been abused by my other brother the shock of being told this was awful and as he said for the same reasons as mine he never said anything till now none of his family including his wife had any idea that this had gone on my brothers fear was also that if our dad found out he would probably killed him also the shame of it all.

so back to the present this shock to think i could be anything like him sent me in to this turmoil of not being able to think not wanting to go out and the thought of work just sent me into this awful panic that i would be arrested and sent to prison.Which i really feared.

I took the courage god knows how and spoke to my GP he advised to go to inclusion I went to the group therapy then onto a therapist when i told her what had happened she told me that i would need intense counselling because of the trauma so I waited a short time and was given an appointment.

I met my therapist Amachukwu. I was very unsure how this was going to go we spoke a lot about my trauma and he suggested EMDR Eye movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing .This started 14 weeks ago and with the help support and dedication of my therapist i have come through I have been taught so much by him and how to process things also he has given me the confidence that i so lacked. None of this would have been possible without this service I cannot thank this service enough. I hate to think of where i would be.Anyone who reads this and has any doubt i would say take the plunge even in the group therapies where i must admit i spent most of the time crying you realise you are NOT on your own and thats the first major hurdle to get over.