"Prenatal depression, my pregnancy, delivery and stay."

I had very poor mental health whilst I was pregnant, I had my baby in November 2019. This resulted in me worrying about my babies wellbeing and I did have several trips to maternity assessment, some were reassuring and others I was made to feel like a nuisance. I wrote a letter to the lead midwife and didn't receive any sort of response which I found extremely disappointing, I’m not going to go into detail about this as I went into fine details in that letter.

I was having my appointments at the new victoria and a referral for the perinatal team was put in due to a preexisting anxiety disorder I have, I was told that I wouldn’t be getting treatment and support from them because of the anxiety disorder, I was sent to wellbeing glasgow and was eventually enrolled in a CBT class that was no use to me as it offered advise such as “try not to think about the things that make you feel anxious” when that was impossible because my main anxiety trigger was if my baby was ok, if he was moving - I certainly couldnt just switch those thoughts off. The fact that the perinatal team didn’t support me when they deal with the mental health of pregnant woman is extremely disappointing and I feel like things would be a bit easier and not as extreme if I did have their support.

I was eventually referred to the day care unit by my consultant and went to see the midwives there, they were all fantastic especially Linda & Joan, They made me feel so at ease especially on my really bad days and made the end of my pregnancy so much better.

In early November I went to maternity assessment concerned about my babies movements, Siobhan was the midwife looking after me and she and the doctor decided it was better for my baby and me to be induced and booked my induction for the next morning. (3 days before my due date) I went in for my induction at 10am and it was a fairly straightforward process, I went into labour at 3am successfully after 2 pessary’s and was taken to the labour suite not long after, everyone was great support knowing about how anxious I was feeling. Stacey delivered my baby boy and did everything she could to coach me, support me and make sure we were both well.

I had a suspected infection and we were both given IV antibiotics. I was kept in a ward in the labour ward for the first night for this and was taken care by jill (sorry if this isnt the right name the days were a bit hazy) and she was great also.   When I was taken up to ward 49/50 not sure which one it was, I was obviously more actively trying to breastfeed my baby and that in its self was stressful, there was a wonderful student nurse who helped me with breastfeeding positions, but I found that every worker had their own opinions on what was right and what was wrong when it came to the way I was feeding him, one thing was right to one and the next person said that was wrong, it was extremely stressful and I felt confused and deflated.

My mental state got worse on the second evening & I was finding things very hard to cope with. I am sure all new mothers feel a bit like this but the head midwife put in a referral to perinatal mental health team again after that night as she could see I was struggling.   (I was rejected from their care once again despite my diagnosis of postnatal depression)

After the second nights stay with baby (3rd in total) I was ready to be discharged. I was sitting in my cubicle trying to feed my baby and was interrupted by a midwife who told me to take him with me to the day room for the discharge meeting. I unlatched him and carried him though, I was given into trouble for not having him in his cot (I was totally unaware and uninformed that it was the way I should be transporting him around the ward. ) once myself and another new mum sat down for the discharge meeting this midwife basically said “right I need you to ask all the questions you have about cot death” and then went on to tell me that I shouldn’t swaddle my baby, especially in more than one layer, which multiple medical staff had done to him in the hospital during our stay, and spoke at great length about cot death. I understand the importance of this but I feel like it should be covered during pregnancy not when you are holding your tiny newborn in your arms hours before you are due to go home, exhausted after the most trauma your body has ever gone through. By the end of the discharge meeting I was extremely frightened to take my baby home, this lead for an extremely traumatic first night at home where I didn’t want to be in the same room as him out of fear he would die.

My partner and my mum were extremely worried about my wellbeing that night and when I had my first midwife visit at home she helped me arrange an appointment with a GP who prescribed me antidepressants.   My baby turns 6 months soon and I am still suffering badly with postnatal depression. The midwives who visited me the first 2 weeks were amazing support, my health visitor (Maureen based in the govan health centre) has been my rock but I cannot help but feel there are some things that happened during my pregnancy that could have been done differently that would have reduced the severity of my postnatal depression.