"I was not being honest with myself"

I found my experiences working with my case worker to have been inclusive in my personal development. The support I was given was entirely different than I had expected - previously I had used and dropped out of the One Recovery Bucks Service for a variety of reasons but I found this most recent experience to have been crucial in my recovery.

I have had a few short-run lapses in a period of 4 months - a marked difference to my previous run of nearly six years ingesting drugs on a weekly basis (on average). My caseworker provided me with unambiguous home truths - that I was not being honest with myself on a consistent basis; that my ego needed moderating and that I needed to explore my thoughts on paper. 

One particular exercise involved writing a reflective assessment of my drug usage in the context of a personal insecurity I have long been grappling with. I then spoke my truth to my caseworker in-session.  

On the whole the connection and respect I had for my caseworker provided me with the confidence to accept and not judge the sentiments expressed. This is a very difficult thing for me to accept and so the format of our sessions became more controversial and spontaneous. This approval worked tremendously well and the work to be done will always remain challenging, but I do not fear it to the same extent any longer.