"Depression crept up on me"

I did not know that I was depressed, it crept up on over the course of time.  I lost interest in things that I used to enjoy, then I realised that something was wrong, when I was waking up and I wondering what I was doing, and feeling death was a good option for me. Then when I woke up I just could not face the day and thinking of suicide. I then realised that this was not me.

I went to my GP who listened to how I was feeling and referred me to Inclusion Thurrock.   I went to 3 group meetings, which gave you and insight to different mental problems, at the end of each meeting you had a questionnaire to answer.   From there we had to wait for the service that suited you, although everyone thought they would go for counselling that was not the case for everyone.   Within a couple of days completing the 3 weekly meetings I got a phone call advising me that Inclusion would be offering counselling.   I start my counselling programme the following week which, this would be 1 session a week on a one to one basis.  

When I went to my first session I had no idea what would happen.   But my counsellor just got talking about general matters which then expanded into how I was feeling, then in following sessions, how I felt about certain things  in my life, and what I wanted to do about them.   It seemed biggest thing for me was I wanted to change people who were having a bad effect on me and and making me feel bad about myself,   I gradually realised  that I was the one that need to change as you can not change other people.   It seems I was a people pleaser. I would go along with other people, but it seemed they would not go along with me, if I wanted to do anything, I would have to do the contacting, make arrangement to go out.   But it made me realise that I could turn around and say no I do not want to do that. and why have you not phoned me.   This surprised many of my family and friends.   Gradually over the course of the sessions I altered my outlook, and made my self stronger.   I am now much happier with myself, and family and friends say I am back to my old self.   But I know I am because I do what I want now and do not go along just to keep the peace.