"It doesn't cost anything for kindness and compassion"

I was admitted to a ward to be induced. My waters broke there, a know the best practice is to be mobile and use the ball provided to bring on the labour, but every time I stood up there was water coming away from me so I was scared and embarrassed to walk about in case there was leakage so was using the birthing ball instead. I was very nervous because I was informed I had strep B and would need IV antibiotics as soon as my waters broke so I pressed the buzzer to ask would I be going to the labour suite soon - when I asked the healthcare assistant they aggressively told me there is a long wait and maybe if I wasn’t lying in my bed the whole day there would be more progress. I was deeply hurt and embarrassed by this as they hadn't seen me on the ball. I was trying after all. I felt this staff members attitude was disgraceful. 

When having my baby, I received outstanding care within the labour suite. I had quite a traumatic birth but in the end the baby got here safely. 

When I got moved up to the ward, I was sore, tired and felt like I was on a different planet with all the analgesia I had been given. Unfortunately I didn’t have much family support  so I had went up to the ward on my own with my baby. Not one member of staff came near me for hours to see if I was ok or to introduce themselves and I couldn’t walk due to the epidural. I felt helpless, I could barely look after myself at this time never mind care for my innocent child. None the less I gathered the strength to get on with it. 

When a healthcare assistant finally approached me, she asked what I would like for dinner, I informed her but stated I couldn’t walk yet as the epidural hadnt worn off yet. She abruptly brought me a sandwich and stated this is the only time you will be eating in here as we need to eat in the dining room. At every meal time us new mother’s were expected to leave our babies in an empty room to go eat. I asked could I have my dinner in the room so I could watch my baby as she was quite restless. I was told no and that I must go to the dining area. A sandwich would have done but I was never giving the option. There was no way I was going to leave my baby on her own so for 3 days I never ate. This didn’t help my recovery at all. What happened to patient choice and preference. 

In the morning most of the patients had our curtains pulled round for some privacy, some of the day staff would come in and pull the curtains back without permission and tell us how ridiculous this was.

I really wanted a shower but because I don’t have many people to rely on to support me I didn’t have anyone to watch the baby so I could perform this basic but essential daily task. The healthcare assistants stated they didn’t have the resources to watch out for my baby so my last resort was to ask another patients to keep a wee eye on her and to chap me if she awoke whilst I went quickly for a shower. I know it is not a childminding service but all I wanted was to feel clean and a 5 min shower. I would have more support at home but due to family members not being in the best of health at that time they found it hard to always make it up and didn’t want to pass anything onto the babies. 

My bed wasn’t getting changed so I eventually had to ask someone for a clean sheet and I changed it myself. 

I never brought enough nappies with me as with being brand new to motherhood I underestimated how many I would need. I asked a healthcare assistant if the had any I could borrow till the morning until someone brought us some, to which she tutted and stated this is stuff you should be supplying yourself, I apologised and informed her I never realised I would go through so many. Again I was made to feel anxious and stupid. 

 The midwifes were all lovely and tried there best but you could see they were stretched to there limits and I was scared to ask anyone for help as didn’t want to hold them back. 

They were being as helpful as they could. 

The healthcare assistants on the other hand were quite abrupt, no one engaged in conversation with me. All I wanted was maybe a hello how are you, to help me feel at ease as I was very nervous at being a first time mother. I work in a similar role myself and I know how stretched it can be but it doesn't cost anything for kindness and compassion. 

I never wanted to say anything at the time as all my focus was on being a mother. We are now two years down the line and I still reflect on these issues with great sadness. 

I will never forget how lonely and scared I felt.

I know the stresses the workers of the NHS can be under, but a simple hello and friendly face can make all the difference to someone’s day, as I know it would have done to  mine. 

This is not a complaint. I just hope there can be reflection to ensure no one else is left to feel the hopelessness I felt.