"No follow up or communication"

I find myself yet again in an extremely difficult position with Shawpark and their services. I feel like I'm winning a losing battle with them. After being essentially denied any form of referral to therapy following no diagnosis, and being told my problems weren't severe enough, everything has been a downward spiral.

I've been in A&E presenting with self harm and suicidal thoughts a number of times over recent months - never had any follow up from Shawpark. After having to wait to see a psychiatrist again for nine weeks she finally agreed I should be referred onto psychological services for therapy. That's nine whole weeks I could've been on a waiting list already for said services! But fair enough, I thought, I'm finally going to start getting some decent help.

I've since had no update whatsoever on the status of my referral. After taking a heavy OD, I finally battled with a CPN at the QEUH to get a follow up. So I called the week after, and was passed around the building to various staff who could find nothing on my referral.

I understand Shawpark allows you to see a desk duty nurse when required, so requested this a week after my previous contact to Shawpark, as my severely low mood had not improved since being in hospital yet again. I was told I had to speak to a CPN on the phone first - alright, I thought. She was lovely but still could not find anything about my referral, so I asked to come in, but was told to phone the next day to speak to the psychiatrist who had completed the referral. I needed help desperately and nobody was there to listen! I wanted to come in and have a face to face chat about my concerns but that didn't happen.

It's now been nearly 3 weeks since I was in hospital having taken a serious OD. But nothing. No follow up, no information on my referral, nothing. It feels like they do not care. There are severe issues with communication between GP services, Shawpark and also CPNs based at the QEUH. It's not good enough – I think that it's putting patient safety and lives at risk. I'm now not being seen by psychiatry until July. How on earth is a waiting time of this long helpful, especially when I've been in frequent crisis since my last appointment?

I'm starting to lose all hope in ever beating my mental illness, and it's a good thing I try and find one thing in every day to keep me here, safe and alive. I'm really concerned that the nature of my mental illness means that I'll be likely to attempt suicide again. However, some people aren't as lucky in having some social support - and I'm worried that if someone experiences what I have who is even more vulnerable that they will take their life.

The staff are polite and courteous but this service simply isn't fit for purpose in my opinion. It seems that you cannot get help even if you attempt to take your own life. Honestly, what will it take for them to listen?

I'm so close to just withdrawing from this service completely, because I feel that it does more harm than good in my case.