"So happy to see there is a specialised service for mental health"

Febuary 2016 I had a mental breakdown. I found work overwhelming and left my job. I was refered to Merton IAPT, to take a 12 week course for CBT (congnitive behavioural therapy). After the 12 weeks I thought I was cured, but after a month I went straight back into my old ways.

I could not leave the house, I could not go to appointments alone, and I felt like there was no point living. I felt like a burden and that my life meant nothing.

I then was refered to Merton IAPT again but for counselling and also refered to the Wilson Hospital. I was skeptical at first as I was encourage to go to the Wimbledon Guild as my boyfriend had recovered from his depression from there. I was so confused on which option to take. Merton IAPT, The Wilson, or the Wimbledon Guild.

It came to the point that I was desperate and signed up to all three, I just wanted to be seen. I was put on a 3 month waiting list for all of them. After 3 months I still heard nothing. I was panicking, and felt very suicidal. I thought I wasn't ill and making it all up in my head, to the point I was content to kill myself. I mentioned this to my doctor and was seen straight away by The Wilson.

From this point they have been the most supportive service! I was seen weekly with a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) to see how I was doing and came up with a care plan. Which was to either go with the Wimbledon Guild or stay with then and have DIT (dynamic interpersonal therapy). I saw my CPN to discuss over 6 weeks what I wanted to do.

I then was finally contacted by Merton IAPT after 3-4 months of waiting and was offered 6 weeks counselling. My CPN at the Wilson suggested that it wasn't enough and that she recommended longer therapy.

During the 6 weeks I had my ups and downs. She even suggested to go to Recovery College and take course there. I have never heard about this place before and again was very skeptical. I didn't like the thought of meeting up in groups and only wanted 1 to 1 therapy. But I gave it a shot anyway.

I then reached rock bottom. I felt I had no purpose anymore. I felt like I was wasting people's time and was a burden. I was sure I wanted to end my life. And I attempted it. I believed that if I was gone I just one more person gone to not waste money and time. The only thing that stopped me was thinking about my boyfriend and I didn't want him to relapse from his depression finding me like that in my bedroom. So I stopped when I felt like I was going to pass out.

I told my CPN and we then made a crisis plan together. In case of crisis I had a plan to know what to do to calm down. She also said she will try and hop me I to DIT asap. Which the following week I had a date to start.

At this point I haven't heard from the Wimbledon Guild after 4-5 months. So I decided to give DIT a go. The Wimbledon Guild will always be there if I want to try it.

While waiting a DIT to start I had been taking course at the recovery college. Again I was skeptical. Wasn't sure what I was getting into. My first lesson was Introduction into problem solving. I felt welcomed, not judged and it was nice to participate and meet people that are going through similar.

I then went to a regular class called Learning To Be Assertive. And I have to say this is the best course I have been on as of yet! I have been able to learn skills into how to say no and how to be confident as well as being able to respect others and especially myself. I learnt so much on this course and the people were so lovely! I even have made a few friends that I see outside of college.

I have also went to another course called Hopes and Fears. This was the first time I was in a room and saw that there were so many people suffering very similar problems I am currently going through. A fear of checking my emails, a fear of failing, a fear of never being able to get back to work. I was so touched and relieved to see that I was not the only one suffering.

The Recovery College has definitely helped so much in my journey to recovering! It does feel like it has definitely help sped up my recovery! I do recommend it to everyone, even just to try and see if it suits you.

Recovery College is one of the things that gives purpose at the moment. And meeting people that are kind, non-judgemental and friendly has really helped get out of my bubble.

Also I would like to add that my CPN also gave me help by assigning me a work support specialist, to help me get back to work on my own pace and a job that I would be happy in. I'm currently signed on to universal credit and had hell from them to look for a job asap even though I have a sick note from my doctor. But my work specialist is absolutely amazing as well! I didn't think there was someone who had my best interests. She is currently helping me at my own pace to get back into work compared to the job centre where I believe I would find a job and relapse and have a mental breakdown again. But with my employment specialist, the Recovery College, and DIT I will eventually get better and hopefully not relapse and have a normal life again.

I am so happy to see there is a specialised service for mental health! I now believe mental health is so important and can't be ignored! If it's ignored people won't be able to help themselves and fall into old patterns and most likely get worse. I really wish more people would understand mental health and recognise it as an illness rather than "it's all in your head. "

I don't think I would be alive today without The Wilson CDAS team and Recovery College. I just hope now I will be able to recover and have a normal life, but I do see hope now.