"I feel mocked, insulted and belittled"

A member of ward staff at Forth Valley hospital made inappropriate comments about a passing patient's clothing. The door was open and the patient had just walked by.

I challenged the staff member, asking to whom they were referring and why it mattered what they wore. I did not become abusive or rude, but I felt tense. The staff member argued back and forth with me, and as I took my medication I began to lose control of my anxiety and had a nervous attack. I began to tremble, hyperventilate and fixated on them as I tried to breathe.

They folded their arms and mocked me, asking "Am I supposed to be scared of you?" as my symptoms intensified. I said to her "I am not trying to intimidate you, I am trying to look after myself". Another staff member present can attest to this. There were also patients waiting close by.

I suffered a nervous attack of rage, feeling mocked, insulted and belittled. My condition is well known to staff as I have been here for several weeks. I lost control and beat myself. My symptoms were already clearly presenting when the member of staff chose not to de-escalate, but escalate the situation with mockery and confrontation.

I attempted to discharge myself with the intention of completing my suicide, and shamed myself in front of the ward and staff. I beat myself until my eye is closed and black, and the side of my head is swollen. A doctor was called for this. I am in pain eating.

In a mental health ward there should be an understanding of escalation and de-escalation, and I am concerned that seeing this person again will cause an outburst of rage. They affected me during my most vulnerable moment, when I was clearly presenting symptoms and loss of emotional control.

At no point did I threaten or use abusive language, excepting that I say "fuck" when I punch myself. Again, the other staff member will attest to this.

Had I succeeded in exiting the hospital I intended to complete my suicide.  Other staff can attest that I am courteous and cooperative at all times.

This occurred on ward 2 just in the past few days. I am enraged even at the thought of encountering this person again, and pessimistic that they will be disciplined as the staff tend to protect one another. I'm a human being at my lowest point, and did not come here to cause stress or drama. This person has caused me enormous harm triggered by unprofessionalism on their part in the first place.