"Miscarriage experience - still a taboo subject"

Sadly a scan at 9 weeks revealed our baby had no heartbeat. After we were told our options (with several nods by the staff member to proceed down the ‘medical management’ route), I was told to call back after the weekend as this would give me time to decide how to proceed with next steps. I called first thing on the Monday morning and after a wait to speak to the Nurse, I said I had chosen to end the pregnancy via surgery. I was told that week the unit was busy and it would be unlikely that I would be seen that week and a further call back offered me an appointment the following Tuesday. It felt so far away and I told the Nurse I just knew something would happen before which wasn’t how I wanted it to end given the choice. 

Two days later the physical miscarriage happened and it was a traumatic experience to go through at home. Our EPAC is not in my local city and I didn’t feel I could make the journey by car so the best option felt to ride it out at home which was a painful and emotional experience. It felt worse than described in the pamphlet I had been handed and I feel as though these have been written by someone who has not personally been though this experience. I called the EPAC unit later that week to confirm what had happened and it was suggested based on what I passed that the surgery was not required at that stage and to complete a pregnancy test the following week. 

I tested the following week as advised and called the EPAC unit to confirm my test was positive. The HCA who took the initial call commented that this was common and I could still test positive for several weeks. By the time Nurse called back to discuss, whilst I was offered to come into the unit for a scan, I felt a bit of a burden as it has only been a week since the physical miscarriage had happened and with the HCA saying this could be the case for some weeks, we agreed I would test in a further week, which again was positive. 

I attended the EPAC unit later that week (3 weeks since being told our baby had no heartbeat) and a scan revealed the miscarriage hadn’t completed. Both medical and surgical management was discussed, and we agreed to rebook the surgical management which the Consultant had hoped would be the next day. Unfortunately when I received a call a couple of hours later to offer me an appointment, there was no availability for a further week. This meant it would almost be 4 weeks since being told our baby had no heartbeat. It has been an agonising time for myself, partner and wider family. 

The day of my appointment arrived and whilst I cannot fault the care provided, not one member of staff addressed or mentioned the miscarriage. Following the surgery, I asked in the recovery room if everything went well and was advised by the Nurse that they didn’t know and I would need to speak with the doctor. I assumed there would be some form discussion prior to leaving, however once back on the ward, I only received obs, and once I had eaten and passed urine, I was asked if I felt ok to go home. Physically, yes, but I was a bit taken aback that nobody has come to speak to my partner and I to confirm how the surgery had went. I was given no advice post surgery on the ward as what to expect (albeit these had been discussed at the consultant appointment the week before) however I feel that this could have been reiterated upon discharge. I was handed a packet of antibiotics and told to take them as per the label and then another nurse appeared with a pregnancy test, telling me to complete in 3 weeks times. It was me to who to ask if/where I was to phone in with the results and then I was discharged without knowing how the surgery had gone.

My personal experience over this past month has made me realised that whilst this is sadly a very common occurrence in pregnancy, there is still a huge taboo around the subject and it even feels like medical professionals are not comfortable discussing/addressing what has happened. I personally feel as though the hospital/NHS would prefer woman to go through this naturally without medical/surgical intervention and that these options, whilst available, are a last resort. There is also no follow up or check in to see how I am feeling and the responsibility is very much on me to seek support or help should this be needed. I feel for woman who may not have good support around them as they may not feel strong enough to seek this themselves and I worry what happens to people who have no follow up check ins. I am acutely aware the NHS is stretched to almost breaking point, but this just doesn’t feel right that no one follows up to see how you are. 

Additionally, a lot of the language used feels cold and outdated and after logging into the online badger app to see that my ‘episode’ had been closed, it felt like a crushing use of wording and whilst that may be the term used medically, the ‘episode’ was my partner and I’s future, which was full of hope and excitement about what was to come.