"Feeling even worse than when I started"

I had sessions that took place over a year with a therapist who I felt often just tried to put words in my mouth or dismiss whatever I was saying.

I remember being told that what I was doing was akin to a magic trick when attempting to express what I was feeling. For context, I was discussing a traumatic event but no, what I really wanted to talk about was an event that happened recently which I mentioned at the end of my story. Or so the therapist told me.

It was as if the therapist was focusing on what was easier to discuss, rather than what I felt was important. We had previously established that my thinking was rather scatterbrained prior to this, jumping from one topic to the next, so I feel like this should have been noticed by them. To me, this was simply a case of either time being a factor, or more disturbingly, a case of the therapist not wanting to discuss something with me. This negatively impacted our relationship.

Unfortunately, I never felt comfortable and able to express myself fully. Due to feeling like I would be placed back on the waiting list, I pressed on trying to improve our relationship. I do not think it is fair to say that the therapist I saw did not have an impact on me. I believe that they have taught me a few valuable skills throughout our time together.

I ended our sessions early, permanently. I felt like we were getting nowhere, pretending it was a natural conclusion, but in hindsight I feel even worse than when we started, and have been left without support.

To me, it just seems like very few people seem to care that patients are floundering and struggling. And those that do are close to burnout.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is the only form of therapy offered, or so I have been told, and I think for me CBT is unhelpful. When I asked about another therapy, I was asked how and why I would want to do that. Which I felt was dismissive.

I have not been contacted since ending our sessions. I feel that Eastvale have left me to my own devices, which even I can even tell isn’t a great idea. I have been put on and taken off various medications yet have been given medication that seems to interact with others, making my illness worse.

Reporting these symptoms seems to have an effect, but again I just feel that I’m not being listened to. I haven’t felt right in years. And I would say that being in contact with Eastvale for years is not incredible in terms of positive feedback.

Often, I felt like I was not being listened to and my illness was treated as if it was a minor ailment instead of a disability. I feel like Eastvale is not fit for purpose, often I see a different psychiatrist every time I go, and I just think that I have no sense of continuity.

Outcomes I would focus on are:

-Patient feedback (which appears to be non-existent) at the end of sessions, other than the occasional form you get from your psychiatrist.

-Offering more forms of therapy other than CBT, or at least entertain the thought of other forms of therapy rather than dismissing them.

-Improve continuity with staff, and communication with patients.

-Train staff to listen to patients rather than interrupting and attempting to put words in their mouths to justify their latest intervention.

The receptionists and crisis team I contacted were incredibly helpful, in contrast, therefore I would like to praise them for their kind and helpful work and responses.

Also, I was contacted by someone whose name escapes me after my last post on Care Opinion who told me that they were also open to positive feedback which I thought was rather patronising.

Unfortunately, Eastvale seems to be struggling like other mental health services. Nothing seems to have changed, and I’m bereft of hope that anything will.