"I didn't feel safe"

I was taken to the ward from the midwife led unit and into a room with a very rickety bed that had blood on it. There was no privacy.

The midwife stayed in the room working on the computer. My cervix started bleeding and I was told not to push even though I had urges to push. The midwife told me that if I pushed my baby would die. I had to fight these urges for four hours. I was terrified. Then my midwife started to rush me suddenly to push the baby out. I tore very badly.

I wasn’t offered an episiotomy. I had no choice but to feel the tearing which was extremely painful. And without any pain relief either. The bed was very wobbly and rickety, it wouldn’t stay still while I was on it giving birth. I didn’t feel safe.

After the birth my tears weren't even sewn up. I was just left like that, and they also gave me no advice on how to look after the tears. They have never properly healed. I now need vaginoplasty to fix it.