"Scared of giving birth after my last experience"

I went in to be induced sept 2010 to have my daughter and it was the most scariest experience I have ever had.

I was brought onto the ward and started contracting 5 hrs after the pessary which my contractions kept coming irregular but close together so I called the buzzer to get examined. I was 1 cm and offered cocodamol which I took. But an 1hr 1/2 afterwards I was in a lot of pain which I pressed buzzer again to be told by midwife its not been that long since she's examined me so she will have to get doc to look at me.

I waited for the doc who examined me and I was 6 cm and asked why I wasn't in a delivery room. I quickly phoned my hubby to get there and two midwives came to take me down the corridor at which point I was contracting every 30 seconds on and off so they forced me to walk where I was in a lot of pain and just when I made it outside the room, I had the urge to push which all I got was I'm "only 6cms, got a long time yet" and to get on the bed.

I struggled to get on bed and I managed to have two puffs of gas and air where the midwife examined me and found I was fully dilated. The next thing I knew a button was pressed behind me and I was whisked by lots of people standing round me to theatre and was told to get ready for an emergency c section.

Which by this time I was traumatised and all I wanted to do was push. The anaesthetist came to get me ready for general anaesthetic which at the last moment doctor changed their mind and wanted to do forceps, which I screamed at them as no proper pain relief had been given, so I ended up having my daughter by Ventouse.

After giving birth I wasn't put back into the room I was in for that short time, but put back on the ward where women were being induced. The midwife who examined me first did apologise for not believing me. The window was open on the ward which wasn't ideal with a baby in.

After 4/5 hrs another midwife finally made an appearance. She was very abrupt and as this being my first child after two miscarriages, no one had said I was breastfeeding correct which she was telling me off, checking my daughters

blood sugars which were low, then asking me to show how her how I breastfeed which I did. She then grabbed my daughter's head to force it onto my breast and my daughter started choking, which the buzzer was pressed behind me, lots of people arrived and she was rushed out and a nurse had to hold me back. I blame that midwife for my daughters blue episode, I blame her that my daughter had to go intensive care neonatal and have a number of tests and for the nightmare to be given the all clear 6 months later.

I can't fault neonatal one bit, they were fantastic. A stay which should have been in and out lasted 5 days.

I'm now pregnant again and due sept 2013 and I'm absolutely petrified of giving birth as I don't want to go through that scary experience again. I worry they wont believe I'm in labour again and get the care I should have had / deserved.