"CAMHS"

In the year 2011 my life felt like it was falling apart, I thought that everything was going wrong. I lost interest in absolutely everything I used to love, I stopped talking to people, I just felt empty and lost, though I felt almost suicidal I kept on fighting, I had to help my friends as well as they kept unloading their problems onto me. In this year I began to self-harm and took my very first overdose, but I was too scared to tell anyone; I didn't think anyone would care either, they would have thought that it was all for attention.

I managed to put up with the rest of that year, but then 2012 came, that year had to be the worst I have ever been through. In early January I took my second overdose, I ended up in hospital because my mother found out (she said she didn't see it coming even though I told her months ago that I felt depressed). Before I took the pills I couldn't help but to think that I was all alone, not a single person understood me, no matter how loud I shouted for help, no one came. I then got referred to CAMHS. I talked to a lovely female worker. She tried to help me and she got me through the year; we talked about the things that were bothering me, my past, the people in my life and how I could make things better. Though I was starting to feel better, I had quite a few bad days which totalled up to me having around 10 more overdoses on separate occasions, but my family and CAMHS worker only know about one of those 10. At my penultimate appointment I remember trying to tell my worker that I still didn't feel right. I talked to her about my self-harm and her reply was ''it is something that you will have to live with, maybe it's a part of you, it's what you do.'' She also told me to just pretend that everything was fine. In my head she was saying that hurting myself and not being happy was normal. I got discharged in early December because she thought I was ready to handle the world by myself. I thought I was ready too.

Not long after Christmas in 2012 things started to feel wrong again, but in a completely different way. Before when I got referred to CAMHS there were actual problems that were affecting my life. However, now there are no physical problems that I'm facing, only ones in my mind. It feels as if there are filing cabinets in my head and something is inside of me ruining the order of the paperwork so nothing makes any sense. I've started to feel alone again, like I'm in a black hole with no escape, I also started self-harming again and continued to take a small overdose.

Although I found CAMHS a bit helpful, I feel as if my worker failed to listen to me properly. Though I enjoyed talking to my worker about my problems, she never actually helped me out, she just talked at me. I am still so confused and feeling very low and I have no clue of what to do about it because I do not have my worker anymore. I did not find my experience of CAMHS to be very good, but other people might so it's worth a try. Even if the service only helps someone feel better for a week or a month, there's the chance it could last forever, meaning that someone's life is saved. I do recommend this service, but it will only work if the patient is completely honest with their worker.