"I thank my lucky stars that I was able to speak to someone"
About: Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust / Working age mental health care (community) Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust Working age mental health care (community) BN13 3EP
Posted by First and Last (as ),
I have never had an episode of self doubt in my life, let alone depression... I had not slept well for a few months, and was aware it was getting worse, but then, following a bout of flu, I did not sleep AT ALL for 5 nights... I also did not eat or drink as it made me nauseous. I had a massive row with my wife, where I claimed to be an electrician capable of rewiring an appliance, which I do not recall, and then sunk into my own personal hell, I have vague recollections of the next three or four days, but am not sure what was a dream and what was real, including the conversations about suicide with my wife that made such perfect sense that did not happen... Towards the end of the period, convinced it all made perfect sense, and that it was for the best for everyone including me as the pain would stop.. I decided to end it.. I then planned it to the last detail. I am lucky that I managed to impart this to my wife who insisted upon the GP being informed who in turn, called the NHS Urgent Response Unit in Brighton out... by then, horrified that I was insane, I had drunk some water and forced down some porridge, the 2 or 3 hours we spent, while I re-hydrated and ate slowly made it seem all become clearer. My thoughts and actions still frighten me. One month on, I know I can not go back there..I am not strong enough.. I thank my lucky stars that I was able to communicate with someone.. I am managing to put all of this behind me, I still get nervous thinking of how close I came.. I worry about my memory of the time as it scares me how little I recall......Speak to someone.. ANYONE... I am so glad I did.