"Felt let down by the home treatment team"

I have been feeling really down for some time now and have been encouraged by my CPN to call the home treatment team should I get suicidal and intrusive thoughts that I cannot cope with.

Today for some reason has been a really bad day, so after struggling with the thoughts I rang for support. I told them of the thoughts that I was having and that I was struggling to cope. I took on board the suggestions that were made to me one of which was to go shopping to pass the time which I did.

The suicidal thoughts were not going away, in fact they were more intense than they were so came the dilemma: do I call again or just take my life?

So I did what I thought that people around me would say, and that was to pick up the phone again to say that I was still struggling with the thoughts and was having ideas of taking an overdose.

I didn't feel that they were listening to me, even though I had told them that I had brought the tablets to take. They suggested ways to keep busy, trying to reduce the thoughts.

Along with the thoughts to self harm and to overdose, I am now left feeling alone and let down.

The home treatment team are usually very good at their support so why do I feel let down? I felt the least they could have done was to keep in touch with me, but it was left for me to call - which I have not been able to do.