"Two maternity experiences"

Firstly..I had my child in a water tub and everything was going well until I had actually had him.

After I had him I was told to lie on the bed and all the midwives just disappeared and left me there for like two hours covered in blood as I couldn't move and needed the help! It was horrible one nurse kept coming in and out telling me to 'wait' pff! My partner couldn't stay neither, but weirdly I had him on the morning so I dunno why he couldn't stay.

Secondly...

I had Freddie... he was stillborn. I didn't feel him moving one day so naturally I went to the hospital. Anyway they never found a heartbeat at 39 weeks and 6 days. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Instead of staying and giving birth there and then, I decided to go home and because I wanted him there for as long as possible, the next day I went back to be induced.

I had two pessaries and eventually things moved along and during the 'pushing' stage the midwife slapped my leg and told me to stop pushing now. Being a woman that has gave birth 2 times before, I know if my body is saying push it means push.

Well eventually I pushed him out and he was out straight onto my chest, his hand was open and so I put my finger in his hand and his little tiny fingers curled round my finger so I started crying and shouting "he's not dead, he's not dead" - and she turned around rather grumpily saying "he is dead, stupid" to me. She even went to the trouble to walk to the opposite side of the room and get a stethoscope and put it on his chest to prove he was dead, she even put it on my chest too.

After I had finished saying goodbye to my baby I went home. I didn't want to but I had no choice. I went back the following day demanding my baby's records, because it had all his scan pictures in it. I wanted them back but apparently the woman at the desk told me they had lost his records. How can they 'lose' something so precious?

This happened to me in 2008 and I am appalled at the way that me and my baby were treated, and I still would like my baby boy's pictures back. I don't know how to go about it though.