"Negative consultant appointment experience"

I have been under the mental health team at stonebridge since my last hospital admission in December last year. My mental health has deteriorated since June and have been seeing the duty team. We came to a decision that I needed a medication review with the consultant. The consultant I used to see had recently left the team so after nearly a 2 month wait, I got in with a locum consultant.

Both appointments left me feeling frustrated, upset, and wary of the decisions being made. The consultant hadn't read my notes so didn't know the reason for the appointment. In fact, the first question was; "have you ever seen a psychiatrist before". After telling them my concerns over my medication, it was dismissed and I was made to feel like I was looking for a "magic pill" fix, where in fact I am aware medication won't cure me; a point I made to the consultant. I got upset and was emotional due to anxiety and my low mood. This wasn't acknowledged. After my medication concerns were dismissed, and the consultant hadn't heard of the mentalization therapy I'd been in under NHS for a year, I got up to leave. The consultant asked me to sit down which I did. They then spent 5mins in silence, looking in the bnf. Then decided to take me off one of my medications (not the one I had raised concerns about) and wanted me to start a new one. By this point, I was emotionally exhausted and frustrated by the consultants tone and manner so I accepted what they said and left. 

I was very emotional for the rest of the day and needed to phone the duty team. I spoke to a nurse who helped me understand as the consultants notes said more than they had told me in the appointment. Why they chose the new medication. The acknowledgement of my mood. I was told I could tell my story here but I decided to give the consultant the benefit of doubt. 

Turns out the new medication prescribed isn't available on the NHS. And following a phone call from the pharmacist in my gp surgery, the consultant had decided to reduce the dose of another medication without consulting me. In fact, I believe the consultant had misread my notes and  believed I was on a lower dose than I was, and following a chat with my pharmacist, decided I should be on the lower dose anyway. 

I rang the Stonebridge centre the next day to clarify what the plan was, and to highlight the error. The reception staff and the consultant secretary were as confused as me as my notes clearly stated my original dose of medication. And were confused why I would be prescribed a medication unavailable on NHS. They arranged for me to come in ASAP to resolve the issue. I requested someone to sit in the appointment with me as I felt uncomfortable seeing the same consultant. 

The nurse on duty sat in. This appointment had similar frustration, confusion and made me upset. The consultant's mistake over medication dose and decision behind my back were barely acknowledged as a mistake and I was made to feel a burden as they had to take time out to speak to the pharmacist and again to me today. They didn't apologise about prescribing a medication I couldn't get on the NHS, and spent more time trying and failing to log into my notes than actually talking to me. The nurse was fantastic and supportive. She helped me come to a decision about medication and make a plan forward. The consultant tried to give me another new medication which I declined, and took a long time to catch up on what medication I was on and make a plan. If it wasn't for the nurse, I'd have reached breaking point. The medication review was suppose to be helpful, not stressful. 

I understand stresses on the NHS and workloads. I understand that mistakes can happen. But the lack of communication and apology, along with being made to feel like I was causing more work was unacceptable. It triggered intrusive thoughts, paranoia, and I felt fed up. I have seen many consultants. And each one has a different view and preference on medication. I am tired of changing medication to meet the new consultants preference.