"If you aren't a textbook case, you won't get..."

I have been suffering with mental health issues for a number of years now. I am exhausted with telling my story over and over again to people who don't bother to read any of my medical notes.

After many visits to my GP, he decided I could be BiPolar and eventually referred me to to TEWV Harrogate for assessment, where I met the most awful MHW. She went through a list of symptoms of what 'people with REAL BiPolar' suffer with. A very good way to confuse me even further! All of the questions were textbook, and if i was a betting person, I would put £20 on her having no real experience of what it is actually live life with a debilitating mental illness.

I refused to back and see her. I was then re referred to see another MHW who seemed a bit more human. Her take on it was that my condition is BiPolar.

I eventually got an appointment to see a specialist. I'm not convinced he wanted to be there really. With him was a different MHW again, so, no consistency there!

It was a very small and narrow consultation room. The specialist sat at his desk facing me, I sat on a chair in the middle, and the MHW at the end. They were both firing questions out, it felt like a 'yes/no' game. I kept having to look left and far right to make eye contact with each interviewer. I cannot remember his actual diagnosis. I need to find out, I did look it up after the meeting, and I remember strongly disagreeing with whatever it was.

It was an average temperature in this room, yet the specialist absolutely stank of stale sweat, and the smell of his breath turned my stomach.

Over and over I was being offered CBT etc, how many times do I have to tell people that I have done it, it doesn't work for me. I do not need counselling. I have a great life, I have a lovely wife, we are very much in love, we have a house, we have jobs, we live in the countryside etc etc. Also, I know my own mind well enough to cope.

I firmly believe I have chemical or physical imbalance, and I need the appropriate medication to deal with it. The way things are, it is going to take decades to get anywhere near a satisfactory conclusion, what with the ridiculous amount of time I have to wait to get any appointments.

Life really does feel like it isn't worth living. I am not getting anywhere. I am gradually feeling worse and worse. I cannot get through a day without sleeping through the day. It is taking me four times longer to complete any task requiring a good level of concentration.

I strongly believe there is help out there, but not if you don't have textbook symptoms. I feel amazed and painfully confused that anyone suffering like I am, can be pretty much ignored due to no one bothering to actually find out what is wrong with me.

My various GP's haven't been any more use. But that is for another time.

Changes need to be made urgently. You are messing with desperate peoples lives. Literally!