"I know they say 'lessons are always learned' but it doesn't seem they are. "

After the changes in the sytems were under going I had my out patients appointment cancelled. I'm aware that others did also. I was told I'd be contacted with another appointment but after not hearing, someone made contact on my behalf to find out what was happening. Anyway someone was sent out to my home to see me or 'assess' me, who knows?

From what I can gather, basically it seems I've been discharged without being informed & the service seems to have made the decision that theres not really a lot they can offer me since I don't know what help I need & because I've had my eating disorder for nearly 20 years now, it is something I have to live with.

So basically I feel like I won't get better & since I've aready had complications due to issues around that & I was always told EDs can be beaten. I feel like mine won't since there's no help apart from an out of area specialist clinic I spent 6 months in previously but once discharged I was only allowed 6 outpatients appointments & then discharged even though I was starting to relapse. I was referred back but could only be 'helped' if I agreed to gain weight each time & it wasn't going to get help with the underlying issues so I felt it would have been a waste of my time & theirs.

Since then I came into contact with Ward 18 & Great Oaks but just feel at times even when I get seriously ill, it's just a drip at the general hospital to top my pottasiums up, tablets to prevent further damage done to my bones & some things are now totally unrepairable so I'm left to get on with things or wait to die.

I can't fight anymore, it's a lone battle & I'm tired of it. I know they say 'lessons are always learned' but it doesn't seem they are.

I know I need help but because I don't know what I can ask for ,or even if I did really know, I can't get the help I need.

I just would like to see in the future people with eating disorders (which have a high mortality rate) get better help & more specialised help in this area with people actually trained & with the knowledge to treat them & so prevent further damage.

Sorry.