"10 weeks sober"

I am an alcoholic, I went to hell and didn't want to drink any more, I lost everything that meant anything to me in life. I tried AA, I tried Adsis. I didn't want to live any more, I could not see what I could offer anyone and I couldn't stop drinking.

At adsis I had a support worker (3rd one), who saw that I desperately needed more help and he set the ball rolling for me to apply to go into rehab, I had hope at last.

I did a home detox and then I lapsed twice whilst waiting for a place to become available. During this time I was supported by the organisation called RIOT. This is a team of workers who have been through addiction like myself. They advised me, gave me support and helped me to understand what rehab would be like and how it would benefit me, they made me feel at ease.

I'm on my 10th week of rehab at the O'Connor Centre - 10 weeks sober - learning all the time. I'm feeling for the first time in many years - all emotions - pain, guilt, shame, even happiness.

I feel I belong for the first time in years. I'm learning how I have behaved so badly in the past, owning it, accepting it and how I can learn from it and behave differently in the future. I'm learning tools to help prevent relapse, to not leave doors open. I get rid of things that in the past I would have drank again and again.

I have to change my life, my relationships, my outlooks, even some beliefs to enable myself a recovery that is long and leads to a happy life.