"Little Senses and Family Support"

My partner and I had gone through IVF for 5 years and have been through a very tough time since our children were born. It has been such an emotional roller coaster for us through our struggle to have a baby with IVF being our only option.

Nurture Fertility helped us along the journey in 2013 and in early 2015 I became pregnant but unfortunately had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant. My partner and I needed some time to come to terms with what had happened and weren’t ready to try again until the following year.

In preparation I also had a massive change to my diet. Although I was already within the criteria, but lost 3stone 2lb prior to treatment to try and maximise every chance. This time we had 2 embryos put back, which was our last two and our last chance. We were absolutely shocked and over the moon to find out that they were expecting twins!

Early last year we went for a routine scan and I was told that I would need to be monitored for 24 hours (my due date was 2 months away, I didn't end up leaving the hospital from that point). Less than 2 weeks later our babies were born by emergency c section at just 29.5 weeks old due to preeclampsia. Both children were transferred from Nottingham City Hospital to the Royal Stoke Hospital due to capacity issues, miles away from where we lived. I almost died during the c-section and required two blood transfusions, one on the Thursday and another early hours Sunday morning. I was unable to meet my babies for almost a week and had to be transferred via ambulance. This was unbearable after we had waited so long for our dream.

Both our children spent 5 days in high dependency and 16 days in special care before being transferred back to Nottingham NICU after 3 weeks.

Baby L weighed 1560 grams (3lb 4oz) when they were born and was finally well enough to come home.

Little A had a few problems along their journey and had an infection at birth and managed to pick up a few infections along the way. Our baby also contracted e-coli, which the hospital felt to be contaminant from the throat, and also had an upper respiratory tract infection. A has Respiratory distress syndrome, and was diagnosed with chronic lung disease at just 36 weeks old (gestation), hence the reason for a 24 hour oxygen requirement.

A also has an artery that didn't close up at birth, along with a heart murmur and while this can be quite common in children, some do indicate serious problems, so this is still a worry. These issues are getting better as A is getting bigger and stronger.

A was born at just 1280 grams (2lb 8oz) and finally came home to join the rest of the rest of the family the following month.

While I was in hospital my state of mind wasn’t at its best as I was so scared and worried about taking the boys home and having very little support from family and friends being at work etc. I didn’t know what to expect as a mum.

Tracy used to be around NICU on a Wednesday and provided support, guidance and a friendly face (also a shoulder to cry on, on a few occasions). I used to look forward to the coffee morning as it got you away from the ward and to talk to other parents in the same situation. It was kind of nice to do something normal for an hour.

I was advised about little senses while on the ward but could only attend when A's health improved. It’s such a lovely group with structure and is very meaningful. The centre itself is also very informative with the posters providing guidance and advice.

Tracy also advised me about the sensory room at Chilwell, which I visit regularly, they are also very helpful and help me with the twins in and out of the car.

I got to a very, very low point and had a breakdown after one of the little senses groups. I explained to the girls that I felt useless and didn’t know what to do regarding feeding the boys and getting them to put weight on. This was a big issue for me and I was also becoming very isolated and recluse as my moods were very low. I felt like I couldn’t cope and everything was a challenge. I ended up having to send the boys to a childminder for 10 hours per week and doing a self-referral for family support.

I was so pleased I ended up with Tracy, I felt like she understood me and didn’t judge me and I could be open and honest with her to get the support I needed. We have spoken about a lot to try and get me back on track and out of the house and I have also been visiting the doctors on a regular basis. I am receiving treatment for my depression and was also due back at work in November but A hasn't been well enough as well as myself.

I do have to force myself to get out and have not been particularly great with my moods recently. I have had to ask if we can leave, if we have been in certain places as I get into a panic and get upset at the thought of people looking at me and judging me. Tracy calms me down and we talk about what happened, why I felt the way I did and how I can try to overcome it.

I feel so proud when I manage to go out and try and feel the boys but sometimes I just can’t do it. I was crying in the high street, after trying to feed the boys in Tesco a while ago and luckily bumped into A’s respiratory nurse, who calmed me down and walked me to my car to get me home. Things like this make me feel like a failure.

Without Tracy to support and guide me I think I would have fallen to pieces by now. I have learnt so much from her and feel so privileged to be receiving the care and support I do from her. She is an absolute asset to Sure Start and I don’t think I could have wished for a more caring and supportive person.

My husband is soon to be working away so Tracy helped me with a referral to Home Start for some additional support, which was brilliant.

I'm 100% confident that I wouldn’t have got to where I am now and it makes me feel sad at the thought of the day she will no longer be our family support worker. I value her being in our lives and cannot actually express how much of a difference she is making.

Both boys are doing OK and haven’t been admitted to hospital for 7 weeks! L now weighs 21lb 6oz and A is 19lb 8 and is almost off his oxygen.

Sure Start are supportive through every aspect and Tracy is making the journey so much more bearable, I can’t thank her enough and will NEVER EVER FORGET how she has made me the mum I am to date.