"Confused and upset"

I was sent as i have depression self harm & problems going out.

I thought there was 2 b 1 counsellor but there were 2 which made me feel very uneasy. I was taken to a room where there was a desk across the wall & a large window. I was asked to sit with my back to the wall so the desk and window were to my left. 1 person (who i knew iwas seeing) was at the desk, & the other was sitting infront of me a little to my right.

They asked me my history so i started to explain. When i said about being in the TA for a few weeks but got kicked out the person infront of me asked me my Army number. I said that i was kicked out after only being in it for a few weeks so didnt get a number (as far as i can remember) he looked at me as if i was a liar & made me feel very uneasy.

The person infront of me then accused me of being on opiates saying my eyes were "Pinned". I told him that the sunlight from the window to my left was shining into my eyes and if he was going to accuse me of being on opiates then i wanted a drugs test....which was declined.

I was in a total state inside and very nervous.

During my appointment i was asked if i was autistic, or had Asperger Syndrome which i have not been tested for.

Lots of my behavior points 2 Asperges or Autism and i said i hadnt been tested as when i was younger they were not known about.

This was never brought up again. They did say i was hyper vigilant but did point out that someone had made a noise outside and i hadnt jumped...i was so in my own world i didnt hear any noise but felt as if they thought i was lying about being really nervous.

I was asked what meds i was on and said sertraline but wanted to stop as the doctor had put me up from 50mg to 100mg but it was making me angry and agressive. They told me that the doctor could up my dose to 400mg....which scared me as if i was agressive on 100mg what would i be like on 400mg.

They said they had to consult with someone & asked me to wait in the waiting room.

When they came back they said there was no reason to go back to a private room for my diagnosis & then started telling me there .....what was the matter with me....with people walking up and down the hall and two cameras on me where the whole of reception...could watch.

They never mentioned autism or anything else.they gave me some leaflets about a charity that gets people out and said that as soon as i got in contact with the charity Wonford could take me off their books .....but if i missed 2 appointments the charity would discharge me as well.

I said that it was impossible for me to guarantee id be able to get out due to my condition (which I asked them for help} but it seemed they just wanted me off their books.

When i was to leave the person i knew i was seeing shook my hand and was very nice...the other one when shaking my hand, squeezed very hard and just didnt let go. It was very intimidating as he just kept holding & shaking.

Feel let down, they dont care they just want me off books