"What's the point?"

After waiting eight months for an initial appointment, going to said appointment and waiting another 2 months for any sort of contact, I finally rang up and asked what had happened.

They had lost any record of me. Just outright lost it. They said it was something to do with the lady I saw quitting the same week she saw me. This isn't my problem, and I shouldn't suffer from it. Don't you use computers?

I was scheduled for another initial appointment in another six months but "luckily" someone dropped out and a very kind receptionist rang me saying I could have the spot. She is the only positive in my entire experience and the only reason I got this drop out appointment is because I basically begged through tears to her when I rang up asking where my follow up was.

Come my second appointment, I was met with two ladies. Two. The first one being a Dr and the second being some kind of apprentice. I was asked in front of the apprentice in the waiting room full of patients,after my name had been called if I was happy for her to sit in my evaluation. I wasn't but I suffer from server anxiety and have problems saying no to people or dealing with confrontation so I said yes without thinking.

In the appointment she made many assumptions about me. The worst one being my method of attempted suicide. She said "I see you tried to kill yourself when you were 18. How did you do this? Tried to overdose I assume?" No, I didn't use pills, don't pigeon hole me. Because I'm a young women, therefore I must have tried to overdose?

She listened to me for most of the hour before ending with "we can't help you because you smoke weed." Why did you not tell me this at the beginning? We spoke naught about my drug use throughout the entire appointment so she had this written down previously. It's not easy spilling your guts to someone but the hope that you might get help at the end pulls you through. I understand her reasoning "we need to see what's your anxiety and what's an effect of the drugs" but I do not agree. I have been hurting myself and had emotional issues since I was 12 years old, I started smoking weed when I was 17 and it didn't become a crutch until I was 21. It's a coping mechanism and the healthiest one I've had. She may as well have said to me "we can't help you until you stop hurting yourself".

So I was refereed to Reach Out Recovery, not officially though, I just had to go there and show up and tell them why I'm there. Now, remember that I have anxiety? Specifically social anxiety and agoraphobia. Guess what the only treatment available to me was? group therapy! Hahaha yeah okay. Upset and disheartened I gave up, went back to my GP and asked for medication, something I've tried to avoid all my life.

Before I carry on to the latest farce, let me tell you that when asked if I would prefer a female or male Dr I said male, I don't know why but I feel more comfortable talking to men, and note that both initial appointments were with women.