"Awful experience over such a long period"

My experience with Mersey Care has, on the whole, been nothing short of horrific. I was under the care of the CMHT for almost a year, during which I had two periods as an in-patient. I have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and depression. On the first occasion, I was told clearly that unless I went to hospital as an informal patient I would be detained under the mental health act, so of course I was admitted voluntarily (to a privately-run hospital). I now don’t believe that I would have been detained, but the experience was terrifying. Moreover, I was held in a room about 9 square metres in size for 5 hours whilst a bed was arranged. This brought up terrible traumatic memories from being locked up as a child.

For the second hospital admission, I was at Clock View hospital (again informally). I was admitted on Saturday evening, after meal time, so one of the nurses got a sandwich and a yoghurt for me to eat. I was terribly distressed at being in hospital – I was frankly given a room containing a bed and a toilet/shower and left there to fend for myself. I reached a point where I asked to be discharged on the following Wednesday (4 days later) because I felt the hospital experience was causing me distress in return for absolutely nothing in the way of care. For example, I did not consume a single calorie in food until between the sandwich and yoghurt on Saturday night until I was dicharged, yet (despite being observed every 15 minutes 24 hours a day) this was not noted by anyone! My experience of Clock View seemed like one of imprisonment.

In July 2016 I asked to be discharged from the CMHT, because I felt I was not making any progress and that I was not receiving the care I’d have hoped for; the CMHT obliged and discharged me, but my psyhiatrist said he’d write to my GP to say they’d accept a referral again at any time. I told my psychiatrist at the time that I was unlikely to return to the care of the CMHT in the future because my experience had been so unsatisfactory.

In November 2016 I started feeling suicidal again. I wrote to the Mersey Care head office and said that I was feeling suicidal again, but felt I had nowhere to turn because I felt the CMHT was not a viable option for me. I received a phone call from PALS, who said that one of the Directors would like to meet with me. I reluctantly agreed, and the person from PALS said they’d be in touch with an appointment time. I naively expected this to be within a day or so. The person from PALS took TWO WEEKS to ring back, and the appointment they offered was a further TWO WEEKS in the future (I wrote the letter on early November – the appointment offered was in mid December).

I’m at a point now where I just have no hope at all for the future. I’m desperately suicidal (like to the point where I have a plan that I feel like I want to carry out today) and the very, very last place I want to be is under the care of Merseycare.