"A Difference"

Awkward? Abnormal? Rejected? Inferior?.... Just a few words to describe the every day feelings experiened by an Asperger's sufferer. At the age of 19, discovering that I had Asperger's syndrome came to me as a huge relief but yet a disappointment both at the same time. It was a wonderful and securing feeling just knowing that after 19 confusing years filled with so much misery I could finally put a label to my difficulties and know for sure that I wasn't the only person in this world suffering like this.

It was like, all the answers to my ever so peculiar behaviour had finally been answered. And although I felt a sense of fulfillness from learning this, please know that there were also continuous feelings of hurt, shame and bitterness just at the very thought of knowing that I was somewhat 'different' to the majority of society, that my brain wasn't functioning the same as everyone else's, I repeatedly asked God why why why? Why me? Why not someone else? All of these questions remaining unanswered ofcourse. There had even been several ocassions recently after my diagnosis that I would deny even having the disorder, I would sit at my desk at work, sulking, desperately trying to come up with another conclusion as to why I was so... 'different'. But the more time that passed, the more I began to accept and come to comfortable terms with it. The firm and negative belief which I once had that God was somehow punishing me for giving me such a complicated and mis-understood disorder began to ware off and the positive belief that my disorder was simply a 'personality difference' (and difference isn't always a bad thing right?) began to emerge. And although I do not support Autistic/Asperger's pride, I do thoroughly believe however that Aspergers is NOT a curse, or even an abnormality, it is simply a difference in human behaviour, a non-typical way of thinking which in some circumstances can be an advantage, and even an awesome contribution towards Mankind. I'm disappointed and fed up of hearing all too much about the negative traits of Asperger's, not enough is emphasised on the positives of the disorder, such as many of are known to have above average IQ' s, and excel in one particular field e.g maths, poetry, science. And it is this ability to focus so hard on that one particular topic which has seen the success of many AS sufferers opt a career in, and to therefore become mega successful in.

Overall not enough awareness is currently being portrayed in the media about Asperger's syndrome, and what little we do know about it, is likely to be the negative things. Well, I say it's definitely time for a change, time to speak up clear and loud and let the world know more and more about this 'invisible' disability. We all know that knowledge is power so the more we know, the more help and support that can be given to people with Asperger's syndrome. A difference indeed.