"Getting the right help"

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Slowly but surely it manifested and got worse. Between mental and physical issues I wasn't sure where I was. An overwhelming urge to urinate frequently, shaking from head to toe, frequently being sick, sweating buckets, heart palpitations and skipped beats, emotionally drained, you name it, the list went on. I was referred to self help workers which unfortunately wasn't intense enough for me so my lack of response to them, in turn made me worse again, I thought I couldn't be helped. My physical health went downhill as I binge ate one minute, starved the next, the sickness was more frequent and toilet trips were never ending.

My doctor referred me to the Continence Clinic at Ayr Hospital, various tests were carried out over quite a few months and each returned nothing medically wrong with my bladder, leaving me at my wits end and very frustrated. The doctors and nurses eventually came to the conclusion that my mental health was causing this issue and to rectify it I would need behavioural management training. The outcome was to be referred to a specialist and await an appointment. Unfortunately as time went on I stopped leaving the house and became scared of my own shadow, the stress magnified massively leaving me barely functioning. I couldn't stay away from a toilet for longer than half an hour, some times less. Most days I was visiting 30-40 plus times or more.

The increased stress triggered psoriasis which ended up covering me from head to toe. I didn't like wearing short sleeve tops, I felt disgusting and due to the severity of it, I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't bare people to see me in this state, physically and mentally, so I more or less shut myself off from the world. The letter finally came through – you’re on the waiting list for CBT we will contact you when an appointment is made available. 8 months later I eventually got an appointment, it was with a psychologist who would be giving me cognitive behavioural therapy, first two appointments - assessment. I was assessed, given a diagnosis and told about the approach we were going to take in order to help me recover. I felt a huge sense of relief. I was diagnosed with OCD, traits of PTSD, panic attacks, anxiety and agoraphobia. Straight away she also noticed how bothered I was by my weight and I was referred to a dietician, who came to the house and helped with meal plans, tips and strategies for when I am stressed and booked regular appointments to see me and help me lose weight.

The emotional support received has also been amazing. Over the next few months I started to show improvement which gave me the confidence to go and see someone about my skin. My doctor referred me to dermatology, I was seen at Crosshouse Hospital and my treatment would be topical steroids and light therapy - this meant I had to visit the hospital 3 times per week. I made it once, even the thought of it was terrifying and when I was there I couldn't cope, back to square one. I had a review meeting with one of the doctors at Crosshouse Hospital who was extremely helpful and suggested I get light therapy again but this time in the comfort of my own home, I didn't even know this was possible. The referral went in for the light therapy home unit and around 8 weeks later I was given 2 days to visit Ayr Hospital for a couple of hours training on each day to enable me to properly use the machine then I was free to go home and it would be delivered.

Machine was delivered and I had 3 set days to do treatment each week for a minimum of 8 weeks, weekly telephone calls with my dermatology nurse with a review appointment at the 8 week mark to see if I would need anything further. During the ongoing skin treatment I was still attending regular appointments with my psychologist who was pleased with the progress I was making and thought it best I spent some time with an occupational therapist to focus on leaving the house more before I finished treatment with her. OT work started and she progressively helped me leave the house, weekly appointments working on the same issue or different ones and trying to build my confidence being in public and near other people. After some time I was able to leave the house and my time with her was done, the work continued though as we made a plan for me to follow on my own and work on 'graded exposure' which still to this day I am doing. Still seeing my dietician and I have lost around 2 stones and trying to keep going. Back to the psychologist for the remainder and she can't believe the difference in me. Working every week to build my confidence with various things and continuing work that I need. Skin treatment finished up and I can't get over how clear it is looking, I can finally wear clothes I like without feeling ashamed, review appointment in a few months to see how I am. Nearly finished with the psychologist too, progress is definitely being made.

I can honestly say if it wasn't for all these people I wouldn't be where I am today, there was no light at the end of the tunnel for so long and now I'm actually starting to live a life instead of merely existing. All have been very pleasant and kind, I can't say thank you enough, please continue to help people in my position the way you have me. Thank you.