"crisis frustration"

i read another post about the crisis response and wanted to add and highlight my experience, which has had an affect on me. i find it very difficult to contact the crisis team tho i have had mixed response when i have been in touch. some responses have been supportive in that they are calm, that they have time to explore the state which has led to the crisis and that they can offer hope or a solution for coping at that time. other responses are very different and whilst i can understand that we are all human and respond according to different "triggers", i believe that they are receiving a settlement for providing a service, whilst I am the person in need and that this should be the over riding impulse/controlled reaction

last year, mid May early June time i was very agitated and distressed. i have a carer but i didnt want to burden him with my woes but wanted a calming response from a neutral professional. i rang and as usual cannot always express what is the cause of emotional state immediately. this is because i have been told, either to get a grip on my emotions, or that i have wanted to try and calm down to be able to present my state - but this doesnt mean that the instance when i ring is no longer a crisis. it constitutes a crisis to me as i fear the state returning and a neutral calming influence helps to talk me thro it to a reasonable state

by neutral i dont mean to imply - a state of no essence, or to respond in a non-caring way, but by not acknowledging to, and by hearing and accepting that my state was (is) as valid as the next person's

it doesnt help me to hear any kind of "tone" influence in the person who is responding to me

and it helps to be welcoming, encouraging and that the person has time to hear me

as i will be very intuitive to the response at this point

well it appeared on this instance i had rang at a hotline time, when either staff were at a premium, beds were full, and phone queries were the last of the person answering the phone's concern.

i wasnt to know that but it was revealed to me later by my keyworker that this is a !bad time for the mental health service ??!!

the person who answered the call actually told me to hurry up or to ring back later, describing that she had 6 minutes to spare me on the phone, or that she would take my number to get back to me later

i gave her my number, as i couldnt think how to approach what had been unsettling me and i calmed in my own fashion. either she or i contacted the crisis later, but it did not result in any support as the issue came up again, about the time that could be offered on the line to support me

i was then more distressed by the response, as well as the underlying need for support, which never got aired. in fact the reply to me was to ask if i was contacting "!about the same issue i had contacted them before about" which for me was equally unsettling. i felt this was a rebuke, i could not hear that there was any more concern or care for my need at that time than there had been earlier

and whilst i accept that when anyone is in a pressured state, their response is perhaps going to be short, but this staff member was more concerned about other matters than myself

i have also experienced, as i did on this occasion, the conversation that told me to take responsibility for myself, which belittled intolerance and i thought was very prejudging of my situation based on !? what, i dont know, other than the knowledge perhaps that my name highlights on the screen that i have a mental health condition, and what that condition is

i have found no effective support for Borderline Personality Disorder and i try to rely more on my own limited resources than i do in contacting the crisis team

i have a half done, never completed Care Plan, which should highlight response that would be supportive but which i dont believe has been implemented

and quite recently, without prejudicing others, i was in a situation where i was abused, arising quite possibly out of stress and strain for living and trying to manage the PD, which i bought to my keyworker attention, but was very reluctant to involve the crisis team in, as i believed that i would again be prejudged, informed - according to the zero tolerance policy and where i would have been left unsupported

i would like to know there is confidence from the person answering the phone to what constitutes my crisis, whatever shape that may take, and the ongoing knowledge that someone had heard, or had listened and had tried to calm me, rather than make suggestions that i - either take a walk, a hot bath, or distract myself in some fashion - in order to get me thro the state and off the line

this is a difficult mental health condition to support but it is equally as frustrating and destructive to the person struggling with it and i want to highlight how hard and how easy it is to try to assess and offer support as well as how to get it wrong