"Withdrawal of my Mental Healthcare "

I have experienced the steady decline of my local Mental Health Services over the past year or so. I know it is because of diminishing funds because I engage fully with relevant organisations. They maintain their stance that it is in the name of improving quality of care.

My CPN/Care Coordinator has met with me regularly for many years and, has effectively supported me to manage my emotional Wellbeing. This is not a tangible science and the success to managing my emotional disability relies on having support from people who have come to know me well. I have managed relatively well with this support for 3 years prior to this, when I became disorientated, I was in and out of hospital, A&E, getting picked up by police, ambulances at my door, door being broken down, etc, when all it needed was a bit of TLC, encouragement and understanding from someone who knows me until I could pick myself up and manage myself. With the right care I can lead a productive life helping others.

Several months ago I learned my care coordinator was leaving. After months of negotiating amid my deteriorating mental state and trying to articulate my needs which are well documented on previous care plans and advanced statement, a totally inappropriate 'plan' has been presented to me in spite of my objections.

I met 3 separate times with senior Trust officers to try and find a solution that felt right for me and I came away with a mixed bag of 'answers' none of which make sense to me and certainly do not solve my problem. During this time I have become very ill due to the stress and fear. It is clear to me that the managers and front line staff are all 'singing from different hymn sheets' and appear not to understand their own systems. The only one I believed to be telling the truth was my care coordinator who had to implement the changes.

Personal health budget has been mentioned but no one understands it well enough to establish if it can buy the core support that I need. It feels like a 'red herring' and I am not well enough to think about it until I feel more stable.

In the meantime I've experienced several dissociative episodes of self harm when I can't remember full details. This happens when I can't manage my anxiety/stress. I saw a member of the crisis team who could not help me. The home treatment team frighten me because it always involves strangers who do not understand me coming to my home and I find this intimidating.

My CPN has now left and I am in a seriously bad state with no plans in place that I can relate to. I have a complaint registered with the Trust but meanwhile I feel in a dangerous state of unstable emotions. I try to articulate to get resolution but to no avail. I am very afraid.