"Painful labour"

I gave birth to my first baby last year, I was sent from a checkup appointment in Omagh (at 40+3) as I was 3-4 cm and having mild contractions. The second midwife I had was lovely and explained everything to me. When I started pushing, a new midwife came in for shift change.

I pushed for nearly 4 hours and nobody told me anything. There were many midwives in the room as well as a doctor. They told me they were going to use the vacuum cup, but then they made a cut and used forceps. Afterwards, another doctor came in to stitch me up. They had a student doctor with them, and it was incredibly painful as they stitched. I was holding my baby skin to skin, but I was trying to hard not to hurt them or hold them too tight through the pain of being stitched. I kept flinching and gasping in pain and they instructed the student present to tell me to be quiet, at which they told me to use the gas an air.

When I said it hurt, the doctor told me it didn't. I even reached down to show the exact place it hurt when being stitched but I felt like the doctor was ranting at me and berating me. I was told if I didn't be quiet and if I couldn't handle it, they would take me to theatre and stitch me there, where I would be put under anesthesia. I cried and tried not to flinch. I was scared that if I said anything in response that they would make it more painful, that they wouldn't try to be careful.

It was one of the midwives that asked the doctor if the area could be numbed more. When they did that, the doctor said that I hadn't even felt it.

It took 3 hours to stitch me, and when it was done they sent my husband home, put me in a room with no instructions on what to do if I needed help and left. I sat in that room and cried for hours, I struggled to get up to get my baby but I was scared to ask for any help, especially with my husband gone. I have suffered with severe pain since this happened over a year ago and I haven't gone for help as I'm scared of the care I might receive. My mental health has suffered terribly.