"Negative birth experience"

I didn't have a great experience from the very beginning of my maternity care. After 3 miscarriages, I had a number of visits to EOU where my concerns and anxiety was met by staff who made me feel like nothing but an inconvenience.

I was induced at 41 weeks (during lockdown, so no one was allowed in with me).  They were supposed to use the Foley catheter but when inserting it they accidentally ruptured my waters, by which time it was late afternoon, I was sent home, with no catheter, and told if nothing happens come back in 24 hours.

Labour started about two hours later. By the early hours of the following morning I was having regular contractions, one minute long, couldn't talk through them so I called, as was recommended, and was told my contractions weren't long enough yet so don't come in. Three hours later I was in horrific pain, resisting the urge to push, contractions we're all over the place, I wasn't getting a break from the pain and my husband took me to the hospital. I was the only person there and I was made feel like I was just making life difficult for the midwives. They told me I was only 1cm dilated, go home, have a bath, no regards for the amount of pain I was in. 

So I went home, struggled on until late morning being sick, resisting the urge to push. My husband once again called to explain the situation I was in and they told him they would have to talk to me (I literally couldn't talk) he explained that I had felt the need to push for over 6 hours and they told him that I had better come in then.

We got there, I was told I couldn't have another cervical check because I'd already had one. I told them I didn't care because there was something wrong if I wasn't dilated, they checked and I was only 1.5cm so I was told to take some codeine and go home. I told them I was not coping and I wasn't happy to go home I needed more pain relief than the bare minimum codeine they were giving me. So I was admitted and left in a room for 2 hours, no one came near me until I went to the bathroom and realised my daughter had passed meconium.  At that point they called my husband and took me to labour and delivery and gave me gas and air (the first actual pain relief I was offered).

I then requested an epidural because I needed the pain to stop (I had wanted a minimally medicated birth so that's how bad I was). It took an hour and a half for the epidural to be administered. One midwife was going to give me morphine but was told no by the senior because the epidural wouldn't take long.

The epidural didn't work and by that stage it wouldn't have mattered anyway because I was now in back labour, with nothing but gas and air. They also told me at this point that I was 3cm so they weren't going to induce me further, and that I could be there for another 18 hours yet.  I told them once again that I felt something was wrong and I wasn't able to bear the pain and I was told, in the most condescending tone I think I've ever heard, that labour is different.

As I was being offered another epidural the doctor came in, looked my daughter's read outs and wasn't happy because her heart rate kept dropping off.  The midwives blamed me for not staying still.  My husband then said for 20 minutes he'd held the trace in place and the doctor checked and said I needed to get to surgery immediately.

I was so frightened of needing a C-section, however, the emergency C-section turned out the be the most positive part of the whole experience.

The doctor was incredible, the surgery staff and the anaesthetist were amazing and my daughter came safely into the world thanks to them.

The after care for the two days I was admitted was patchy at best, some were lovely, some behaved like I was just another box on a tick sheet. I wasn't even told I could leave when the time came, I wasn't just left to my own devices.

All in all my experience of being pregnant and giving birth in the Ulster Hospital was overwhelmingly negative and something I still struggle with to this day. My biggest regret is that I didn't put in a complaint at the time, I was going through my first successful pregnancy after recurrent loss and my birth experience was so institutionalised, I've never felt so dehumanised in my entire life.