"Outpatient mental health care"

This is a story of two halves. The first is positive and and indication of just how fantastic a psychiatrist can be. I was the patient of one Dr for a year and a half and I could not have asked for a better experience with a dr. She was kind, honest, knowledgeable, detailed, responsive and took her time to reach the correct diagnosis. I built trust in medical professionals through her care and was happy to defer to her wisdom and knowledge. In truth, I think because she was so good, what happened next was more shocking. 

I had the dubious pleasure (said with tongue firmly in my cheek) of meeting her colleague today and I feel that I am genuinely traumatised from my experience and am considering discharging myself from mental health services altogether. 

Rather than rely upon the expertise of their very experienced colleague who knew me so well, they decided to start the assessment period all over again. Bearing in mind I had been observed and assessed for 1.5 years this seemed bizarre. They decided I didn't have dystonia. Although as they neither examined me nor is a neurologist, it is difficult to know how they came to this conclusion.  They decided I didn't need a hematologist, even though I never asked to have a hematologist and was referred based on bloods. 

They have decided that despite the careful assessment and expertise of the previous dr I don't have bipolar or a serious mental illness and is stating I may need to come off lithium. The one drug that has given me hope and brought stability in my life.  They seemed so focused on my past trauma rather than understanding in what way I had become ill. They had not read any clinical notes by previous psych and read the assessment written by my cpn during the consultation rather than before hand. 

I don't want to carry on with this dr I dont want them near me, my notes or my care. I am contemplating going private which I would really struggle to afford. 

I want to discharge myself from services but know if I do this, my lithium won't be continued. On the other hand, if they are going to stop my lithium I am contemplating just stopping anyway and then I can discharge from services and see if they are right: That I don't need it after all despite the improvement it has brought to my life.

My head is in a spin. I felt interrogated not assessed. I feel so terribly vulnerable after this encounter and they have worsened my mental health. All that good work my first Dr did in helping me to build trust in mental health services has evaporated  in one 45 minute session.

Just because I have had trauma in my life does not preclude the fact I became very unwell. How discombobulating, that two drs can have such different views over the same set of symptoms. And how damaging to a patient to experience what I did today.