"Didn't expect any help. Sorry AWp."

An evening, weekend call. Really stressed and on the edge of things. Bad thoughts and feeling. Unable to cry. I spoke to a fantastic mental health adviser at 111. Had to convince her not to call the police. I didn't know if I really wanted to live or die. This had been going on for days and weeks, beforehand.

Physical pain and horrendous mental well-being. Not coping.

(I normally avoid AWP. They seem impotent in ability to help me).

The 111 mental health adviser, said she was "deeply concerned about me." After our long conversation. She said she'd ring the local AWP Intensive Service, I'd be put on the four hour call-back.

I said to the 111 advisor, my landline was working, but my mobile phone wasn't switched on, it was on charge. I switched my mobile on at the end of our call. I had literally, that minute, missed a call-back from a local AWP member of staff from the intensive team.

I tried calling them back. No answer. End of call. No help. No second ring back from them.(Probably) ok at AWP. because they tried to reach me by phone. Paperwork, legalities in order. They did their bit.

When AWP gets inspected by the CQC audit team, they'll see they tried to call me. No answer from me. AWP and CQC will assume everything was ok from client. No!Neve mind.

I didn't expect any help to happen, when I was talking with 111 Mental Health Advisor.

I'm guessing, there's lots of problems of NHS staff recruitment and retention, probably bad, in an expensive city. "A failure of it's success."

It doesn't help with the crazy cost of living, petrol prices, per litre, etc hitting record high.

Much sympathy for these NHS Staff. I wish them well.

I try to avoid AWP at all costs. Some good or ok experiences. Some horrendous experiences.

They're good at some areas. I got so much help from the right people, in the right places.

It confirms my anticipated response from a partial skeleton of staff. (Not enough staff). Full stop.

Stop refering to the latest DSM book. Staff, F!'s F2's, some consultant psychiatrists. Look at the person as a person. rather than label. Don't judge people by a new diagnosis. over riding a previous diagnosis.

There is a Scottish Female psychiatrist at Uni of Bristol. teaching liaison psychiatry and 136 interviews. Get some of the nurses, nurse associates to speak with the next generation of would be psychiatrists, psychologists and nurses who genuinely like people and want to help clients

Thank you for reading all this.