"Advice when suicidal"

 I get very very severe depression. I make plans to end my life . I have attempted suicide and been in a coma as a result. It is almost impossible to ask for help. I withdraw. I cant speak. I stop looking after myself. I stop eating and drinking. . The GP only uses telephone appointments and I can't speak. They say they cant support my mental health as I am in crisis and this is not what they do and I need help from this Trust.

But this Trust do all they can , often it feels in a very callous way, to send people away. I very reluctantly rang the crisis line. Because this is all we are offered. They told me straight away after only 5 mins that I could not see anyone and they wouldn't be making an appointment to assessment any where and that I couldn't go to the crisis hub in person at the hospital and the website says you have to arrange with the crisis team and call them first. 

They told me that as I had capacity to choose to kill myself it was my responsibility to decide what to do but I had taken responsibility - I had phoned them as the GP says to as the NHS says to. That IS me taking responsibility to try and get help with a life threatening illness. Would anyone in the NHS say this to someone with a physical illness who had rung an emergency GP or gone to A&E? No. 

It is wrong to tell suicidal people it is up to them. It is not what the mental health act says about capacity and I have a right to life under the Human rights Act and they are meant to be the ones who protect me when I am so suicidal I cannot keep myself safe. It is not what to tell someone who has made plans, eventually reached out for help and basically then told my life isn't worth saving just sent me back in to the darkness. I shut down and took a near fatal overdose days later. I ended up in intensive care . 

It seems like it must be Trust policy to say this all the time as the managers are instructing these telephone staff and training them and it is said so often like I said I know many people who have been told this many times.

Wuy dont clinical Trust managers ever explain why they have said this to suicidal people or why community teams write this down and why the crisis hub refuses to see anyone who doesn't have an appointment. In my opinion there is not only no safety in crisis here they make things much worse and certainly put my life at risk as was subsequently shown. I believe if I had met with kind compassionate well trained professionals I would have been able to keep myself safe. I just needed help. I felt they were telling me my life wasn't worth saving by their words and actions. I would caution anyone suicidal to be careful about contacting this crisis service.