"Breastfeeding"

When I was pregnant with my son I made it clear to my midwife that I wanted to breastfeed and that that I had many challenges feeding my daughter, including extreme pain. I felt I made it clear that I might need extra support. I was certainly clear that I didn't want to go through what I had been through previously.

I had a bit of trouble latching my son but had skilled help from a friend and lactation consultant. He fed well and gained weight well but I was in increasing pain. I could see very clearly that he had an extensive tongue tie. The community midwife said they were unable to refer me to the tongue tie clinic and that the breastfeeding champion would need to visit and only they could make a referral. With each feed the pain increased and my spirits fell. 

The breastfeeding champion visited. I felt like they criticised my method of latching my son and this was unfair. His weight gain (climbing the centiles) was testament to good milk transfer. I had fed for several years previously and was happy that the latch was good. I was not a first-time mum with no experience of breastfeeding.

The breastfeeding champion insisted that I should try a different method of latching. I complied. They asked how that felt. I said firmly but politely that it felt worse, which it did. I cannot understand their reaction. They said that I should persist with this new (worse) method of latching and if things hadn't improved over the next while (I forgot how long exactly, but it was days, at shortest) a referral to the tongue tie clinic would be considered.

I felt utterly despondent. As the baby was gaining well, my pain - and by this stage I was in a very great deal of pain - was being ignored, minimised, and dismissed as being irrelevant. And all this after saying loud and long that I had suffered greatly before.

I subsequently discovered, by other means, that the waiting list for the clinic was 13 weeks. There is absolutely no way I could have lasted that long so we paid, dearly, to have the tongue tie revised privately and the result was an immediate improvement. It took five weeks for the pain to resolve fully, as nerves, once irritated, do not stop being irritated immediately, but at least over that period it was gradually decreasing and so my mental state could hold up a little better.

Obviously, there was nothing that the breastfeeding champion could have done to shorten the waiting time, but that is a different point. What was extremely negative to me was not being listened to. Why would you ignore a patient's report of increased pain? Why insist that the more painful method of latching should be carried on, to the exclusion of the method that was better? How can the midwife know my pain better than me? Why not just tell me that they are sorry but the waiting list is 13 weeks? Or tell me the NHS policies and timeframes, but acknowledge that I was really suffering?

Before this, I fed my daughter for a bit over 4 years but it was difficult, and I was always in pain. In the early days it was so painful that I would start sweating when I knew it was time for a feed, in anticipation of the agony that was to come. (For reference: I had a molar extracted aged 12 with no anaesthetic and can confidently say that this pain was worse). The story of our early experience is long and complex and spans three hospitals and I won't recount it here in any detail. Suffice it to say that the pain was bearable when using a nipple shield and that was the only reason we managed to continue for as long as we did. Over those years I learned a great deal about breastfeeding. Against that backdrop, I was keen to avoid repeating the negative aspects of that experience. For this reason, I tried to get through to the midwife during my pregnancy with my son what I was keen to avoid. That context meant that when my reports of pain and an obvious tongue tie were effectively ignored, the effect on my mental state was amplified. I feel it would honestly be easier (if sad) if the NHS had said that they didn't support breastfeeding, as I wouldn't have been led to expect help. As is was, it was represented to me that breastfeeding help would be available, but when I sought it I was made to feel like my problems were my fault.