"We never now what's round the corner."

Hello,

I had a good job, was a good Mum to 3 children, had a husband and lovely house full of love. Or so I thought.

My story began over 3 years ago now, I've always been a social drinker from about age 15, just normal, a few drinks weekends, maybe more. Then over the last 3 years it crept up and up, without me really realising. Then it became a big problem, I couldn't function without drinking. I left my job, my relationships with family and friends declined. My main concern was alcohol, where and when I could get it. How did this happen to me. I could see no way out, I was in this dark place, on a conveyor belt, with no way off.

I engaged with One Recovery Bucks through my doctor, I had a couple of keyworkers, but to be honest I wasn't engaging, I tried, but felt so awful, I kept drinking. Covid came, so no visits to centre. I had my new keyworker Manjinder, she could have given up on me, but she didn't. She kept pushing me and guiding me, making me realise, I could actually beat this somehow. Sadly my marriage was falling apart, my husband didn't understand alcoholism, he just thought it was my choice. (If only it was that easy). He took all the handles of every window, locked and padlocked doors and gates, so I could not leave home. I became like a rat, looking for alcohol. My despair was getting worse. I tried to take my life, there was no where I felt I belonged. I broke my kneecap trying to escape the home. I fell over and broke my arm, all due to alcohol. So so ashamed. Manjinder, still there supporting me, guiding me, believing in me. Eventually I engaged. My children always there, watching, waiting, caring, but helpless to what was happening to their Mother.

I went away to a rehab called Betel in Derby.  It's free, but you have to work 6 days a week within the charity to keep funds coming in to feed and clothe us all. We also all learnt a new trade to help us when moved on. I lived in a safe house with 11 girls and at the farm where we worked there was about 50 men. I learnt so much about myself, giving me inner strength (I call it my toolbox to deal with issues and thoughts). I received a letter, after 27 years of marriage, from my husband.  He wanted a divorce. I was destroyed, I was sobre, trying to get better for myself and my family. The time at Betel to reflect to see the real me again, made me realise I could do this.

I left rehab, and drank again, I was so destroyed about my marriage and then I found out about his affair. I didn't blame him, because I felt so worthless. I had let my family down completely. But who was there to support me, Manjinder, fighting me to gain control, you've got this, she would say. I ended up homeless, because my daughter was under 16, social services was involved, I had an altercation with my husband and I was arrested. No longer allowed in the family home we owned.

Our wonderful government system kicked in. I was hospitalised for 3 weeks, I got a bug in my blood stream. Really could anything more happen? Outreach got involved with my care, as they found me homeless, connections then took over to support me finding a place to live. Manjinder still there, telling me, you've got this. Where would I be without these ladies in my life supporting me. I couldn't have done this alone. But equally, I couldn't have done it if I hadn't engaged with One Recovery to begin with and started to believe that I could beat this awful disease.

Today Manjinder released me from her care. She feels it's time, another step forward, so now the recovery team will take over, and Connections still supporting me with housing and getting back to work. I'm currently volunteering. Every day, is a new day, which I look at with new eyes. I get overwhelmed very easily, so out comes my inner toolbox. Its a very lonely journey being an alcoholic, but even more lonely when you are sober with a clear head, but I feel so healthy and happy. Sadly in our society its normal to drink. I cannot ever risk having a drink again. I am adjusting my life, with new friends and watching the company I keep.

I cannot begin to thank so many people for caring, believing, listening, understanding, never judging me. Ambulance staff, nurses, doctors, social workers, ORB, Connections, Betel, family and friends.

I don't know how it all began, but its been a hard journey, I have learnt so much about myself and others. So it starts with being Openminded and engaging I suppose. One day at a time.

I now can look forward to my future, to the person I am becoming. I want to help others who have been in this type of situation. We never now what's round the corner.