"Overcoming my OCD, Anxiety and Depression! 2.0"

I wrote a blog here two years ago after I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, titled 'Overcoming my OCD, Anxiety and Depression!' and things have changed since then!

I'm now in my early twenty's and working full time in Healthcare which is a huge passion of mine.

After successfully completing CBT two years ago, I went to university and decided the course wasn't for me. I moved on to a new adventure and began studying again to explore a degree in Healthcare. I started a full time job in Emergency Call Handling and this was stressful.

Around June 2021 my OCD management relapsed and life after was incredibly difficult. Things began to spiral out of control again very quickly and before I knew it, I was obsessively cleaning my hands, completing safety behaviours to neutralise my intrusive thoughts and avoiding specific daily tasks. I was signed off of work for several months and things progressively deteriorated. I felt like I was back to square one and all the hard work and progress I had previously made had vanished. I decided to leave the job and seek help again.

I self-referred to Talk together Bromley and after a few weeks wait I was able to complete an initial assessment where I explained everything that was happening and why I so desperately needed support. This led to me being placed on to the CBT wait list.

I was incredibly happy when I received an email from my previous therapist offering me sessions to commence CBT again. It wouldn't have mattered which therapist I had the treatment with, but it was definitely beneficial already having rapport with the therapist.

From the first session we spoke about the current intrusive thoughts I was having, the impact they had on my life, and how I was reacting to these thoughts. I also expressed my irritation and anger towards myself. I hated the fact that I had come so far previously for this to suddenly fall apart and I felt that I had failed myself and those around me. The anger caused stress and the stress resulted in heightened intrusive thoughts and safety behaviours. Explaining this to my therapist was challenging, however, with their support and kind words, I was able to express my feelings and explore the roots of my problem.

As the sessions progressed, we conversed about the reasons as to why I was back in therapy and two things came to mind:

1) The stress of my job. Having responsibility put pressure on myself which resulted in safety behaviours arising and a negative work performance.

2) Covid-19. The Pandemic had a huge impact on my OCD and Anxiety.

In my previous (first) episode of CBT, I learnt that I didn't need to wash my hands obsessively and taught myself how to clean them normally. However, with the Pandemic, everywhere I went there was a poster or an advert demanding the public to wash their hands and be extra cautious. This resulted in a huge struggle. I had learnt not to do these safety behaviours, yet the world was showing me that I needed to do them. This completely threw me off track and my OCD thoughts couldn't comprehend it all.

I'm really proud to say that I got a new job during my treatment and after completing this second episode of treatment, I am ready to move on and focus positively on the future.  

There are lots of new coping strategies and things that I have learnt which have had a positive impact on both my treatment and OCD. Here are some of the main things:

-Avoiding daily tasks in order to not do a safety behaviour becomes a safety behaviour itself.

-The world shows us that no matter how careful you are, bad things can still happen (this is out of your control).

- Just DO NOT do the safety behaviours (slowly ease into things by cutting the behaviours down beforehand, as going completely cold turkey can be incredibly overwhelming and unhealthy e.g. instead of washing your hands 5 times, cut down to 3 and so on until you are no longer doing them).

- Carrying out safety behaviours is pointless as you are doing things you don't need to do. My therapist provided an insightful example which really resonated with me: An individual in the middle of an urban city takes out a flood insurance policy to protect themselves from a potential flood. However, the likelihood of a flood in this area is near enough impossible.

- Read books. Even if you only read a few chapters a day, it is relaxing and a key distraction from the urges to do safety behaviours and the anxiety.

- Reward yourself. Every time you drop a safety behaviour, treat yourself to a new book or an item of clothing. A child who gets a sweet for behaving in a certain way will continue to act that way to get another sweet.

- Do the homework. Embedding the weekly tasks is how you will monitor progress. The more you tackle with the therapist, the more equipped you will feel to tackle the world after treatment. Also, setting yourself homework with your therapist can really tackle some of the main problems.

- To say intrusive thoughts out loud. In your head they seem real and frightening. In reality, when you hear them out loud, you will see how crazy and weird they sound.

- Setting small goals enables you to persevere through the struggles.

Lastly, I wanted to touch on how important speaking out is. The earlier you do so, the easier it will be to tackle your problems. To all the men struggling out there, you are no less of a 'man' if you seek mental health support and speak out. It's time that we all recognise that mental health is as important as physical health!

Thank you for taking the time to read. I promise you, things will get better, and you are not alone!

Thank you to my therapist!