"My initial midwife appointment"

After 2 previous miscarriages, finding out about this pregnancy had me up to high doe. My anxiety was through the roof, something I hadn't ever really experienced before and really was not sure what to do with myself when I saw the positive test. 

For those that are thinking that it was planned and I knew what I was letting myself in for, we weren't not trying, but we weren't actively trying like we had previously i.e. watching my times of ovulation and tracking cycles. It happened extremely quickly between miscarriage 2 within 2 months so part of me was thinking this must be a positive sign.

My husband and family encouraged me to book my initial Midwife appointment and was booked for around my 6 week mark date. This was actually when we discovered the pregnancys went down hill so I thought it might be a good place to start. Not to mention just speak with someone to offer any anxiety advice/coping mechanisms/talk about options on how to go forward. I was called last week to ask why I had booked the appointment by the midwife I would be under the care of rather bluntly. I explained the situation and actually burst into tears only for them to proceed to tell me, rather bluntly, that it is just one of those things that happens. Where I am aware of this exact fact, I did not need to hear that. They then proceeded to scroll through my notes relaying back to me because I had had a successful pregnancy previously, that there is no reason this pregnancy can't go forward. Exactly not what I wanted to hear again because of the two losses. At the end of the day, a loss is a loss be it one or seven and the manner in which I was spoken to was not acceptable.

The conclusion was that I am getting a scan at the Rubislaw ward, which I rang them and asked for after explaining my past circumstances, and my initial Midwife appointment is at a time that is more convenient for them. I told the midwife on the phone this and they simply wished me luck, and said to let me know at the next appointment. Absolutely shocking, this did not feel like care or compassion.

I appreciate that most midwife appointments are later in the pregnancy, however for each pregnancy and booking appointment was the 6 week + a few days mark, so I am confused why it is an issue now.

Also, I appreciate that with COVID the medical practice is strained but given the nature of the circumstances some compassion or consideration would not have gone a miss. I left the conversation feeling extremely unsupported, embarrassed as though I was wasting time and resources and essentially very very low in a time where I need support to help my anxiety. The next few days on the lead up to the scan are going to be the worst because I don't know where to put my thoughts and protect my heart and mind and get in a place to prepare for the worst outcome albeit the knowledge that there shouldn't be a reason for another miscarriage. 

Very happy to provide more details/discuss further.