"Where is my mental healthcare"

I have been having an utterly disappointing experience with Ealing Primary Care, West London Mental Health Trust (NHS). Despite being referred to them a little over two years ago by my GP who had tried anything and everything to help improve my crumbling mental health at that point (largely unsuccessful), I am yet to receive the care I once naively believed was going to be extended to me. Despite communicating my increasingly worsening suicidal tendencies and psychotic features to my designated nurse at every opportunity (that is when I am lucky enough to get a hold of them), my experience is that I have been given very little but empty promises followed often by extended periods of non-response and total communication blackouts. I have a long-standing, confirmed diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder + other persistent mood affective disorder. Psychotherapy (CBT, DIT, etc.) has proven to be ineffective for me from a sustainable, long-term perspective. I have an extensive history of alcohol misuse, although I have been abstinent for just over four months. I am heavily obese and physically disabled, suffering with a multitude of chronic conditions for which I take meds daily. I am an ex-academic and hold a PhD!

I have never wanted to end my life as much as I do now. The only thing that has come out of this exhausting process thus far is a prescription of antidepressants via proxy (I never got a chance to speak directly with the Consultant), which has done nothing for me in line with all the other SSRIs my GP had previously put me on.

The service never looked into reviewing this for me despite repeatedly promising so. It has taken me over two years to convince the Trust that I need to be referred for a psychiatric/medication review. And then I was told to just wait for my appointment, even though the person responsible evidently forgot to book one for me! After many weeks of suspense and upon relentless chasing on my behalf, a Psychiatrist consultation has finally been booked for me for mid-Feb 2022 (and how do I even know this one's real?!).

In my opinion this is not nearly good enough WLMHT. I have been nothing but patient, polite and understanding, especially given the ongoing Covid uncertainties affecting us all equally. But I feel I have reached the end of the proverbial rope at this point. I am constantly paranoid, tearful, anxious and suicidal, and have been self-harming to no end and they are aware of this. What does one have to do in this country to get some decent psychiatric care? All I am pleading for is adequate and timely help (i.e. correct diagnosis/medication) before I inevitably 'give up'. I have sought help repeatedly and in the most vulnerable way.