"How I came to realize alcohol is an illness that controlled me and destroyed my life."

I never thought I had a problem with alcohol, I could pick it up and put it down except when I had it. I began to self medicate to calm my nerves from previous trauma. It was one night that alcohol destroyed my life. This one night, I lost control, I drank and I drank but this time the alcohol wasn't "working".  My child had an accident and I took them  to the hospital and the alcohol took over.  My whole character changed and I did a number of things that I have no recollection of. I blacked out. I was arrested at the hospital for the first time in my life, I was terrified! While I was in my cell awaiting the consequences of my actions, the shame and shock that ran through me was awful. I had never been more disappointed in myself than I was that day. My children were taken from me and my world collapsed. 

At first I didn't believe I belonged in AA meetings or that I had a problem, I still thought it was just a big slip up. I believed it was unfair my children had been taken and I was adamant my children were never at risk of harm (denial).

I called one recovery bucks. They welcomed me and I was put with a worker who began working with me to understand alcohol and make plans to achieve sobriety, they taught me about all the risks of drinking around children and I saw that had I not been drinking, I may have seen what my child did or even could have prevented their injury. It was then I made a decision, alcohol could never play a part in my life again. I joined an AA group and began going to meetings.

I learnt to take just one day at a time and to be grateful for each day that came that I didn't drink. I was nervous at first but everyone was so kind and I learnt that we were all suffering, that alcoholism is an illness. I began going to more meetings and listening to people's stories, they were inspiring. I began to share my stories and the support was overwhelming.

One recovery bucks started me off onto my journey of abstinence,  working together on relapse prevention and being able to be completely honest. I came to greatly respect my worker and listened, it was easy to listen as they like me had hit rock bottom once but here they were helping me. I finally joined a homegroup and it felt like gaining a family. Full of support and all in the same boat, I then found a sponsor and I am now working through the steps. I began volunteering to help in different locations for meetings and what was once a small group of people turned and is still turning into a nationwide family of people who suffer with this disease.

My time with one recovery bucks has come to an end and I can honestly say, I will miss my worker but as he said "I hope I don't speak to you again", I hope I don't either and that is said with such gratitude because, since I made the decision to call one recovery bucks and join AA, I have achieved 115 days of sobriety, I got my eldest child home. I am still fighting for my youngest ones to come home but with abstinence comes life and hope. I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin, I feel very much part of life and I've never been prouder of myself than I do today.

I'm at the beginning of an amazing journey alcohol free with thousands of people who fight everyday. Acceptance is an amazing word and also a brave action. Life starts with the first step. 

Thank you for all the support and giving me the nudge I needed to take wing and fly instead of stumbling through the dark.