"Wonderful student midwife"

I gave birth to a beautiful baby in October at the Princess Royal in Glasgow. I hadn't planned on having a hospital birth due to a deep-seated fear of hospitals but after coping fine at home for 24 hours was told I would need to transfer due to risk of infection. Needless to say I arrived very anxious.

Things continued to go awry as I agreed to an epidural (worst fear) due to being told they wanted to get me on pitocin. A team of very skilled and puzzled anaesthetists tried for what felt like an eternity to get it into my back as I stayed still through contractions that were getting increasingly tough to manage. I was told that this doesn't usually happen and that they would try one more time, again and again before they finally let me have remifentanil (a godsend) instead.

Thankfully, little did I know, in the meantime I'd progressed considerably and it wasn't long before my baby was ready to arrive! Regardless, I am amazed I got out of that epidural situation with my sanity intact. My birth partner was incredible throughout, and I have thanked them a thousand times, but there is one other person who stands out in my memory as being an invaluably grounding presence throughout that experience: Louise. I don't know your second name - in fact, I'm not 100% sure I've remembered your first name correctly! - but I remember you were the student midwife helping to look after us when we got there. Almost everything else, including the names of all the other staff who looked after me, is unfortunately a blur. Louise, I want you to know that every time I look back at the  birth, I think of your empathy and kindness. In particular, I remember you handing me my baby and asking me if I wanted to see 'the cutest baby burrito'. I smile just thinking about that moment.

I hope that you can read this and know that you are a huge part of why when I look down at my baby I think 'I'm so proud and amazed we got through that' instead of just feeling traumatised. You were perceptive to my needs, you listened to me, you thought to bring me a heatpack when no one else did. You reminded me again and again to blow the contractions away with the gas and air while looking calmly in my eyes. Maybe its not so much what you did but how you did it, but you really helped me not lose my mind in there. I felt like you cared. That's something that can't be taught. 

Thank you!

On the off chance that they might be shown this, I would also like to say thank you to the kind woman who came to see me after to give some advice and who told me it wasn't my fault, and thank you to the surgical team in charge of stitching me up inside who created a warm, nurturing environment in that cold room. I loved how everyone kept talking to me to calm me down, and it was comforting to be allowed my partner and baby in the room with me. In particular the surgeon with the cool glasses (I'm sorry that's all I can remember!) seemed so skilled and was lovely to me. I felt safe in your hands!