"Mental Health therapy has changed my life"

Following a bereavement I struggled with a breakdown in mental health. This was the second time I had experienced this. I tried so many different things - eft, hypnotherapy, counselling, medication but nothing was really helping  and regular panic attacks turned into agoraphobia and my world was becoming smaller and smaller. 

 I was lucky enough to be offered CBT therapy. I found the process really useful and my therapist was excellent: she was warm and supportive and even managed to check in with me during covid when we were unable to meet. I was initially worried that my problems were not significant enough or that I was taking up space in the service that was needed by others. I felt embarrassed to share some of the things that felt trivial in many ways but were really significant to me and having a huge impact on my life.

My therapist was wonderfully supportive and always made me feel like I what I had to say was valid and my issues were just as deserving as any other patient. She was so patient in helping me work through the process and I learnt a huge amount about challenging my thoughts. It really helped me abs my thought records are what I turn to whenever I need to logically work through an unhelpful thinking pattern. I am far better at recognising when my thoughts are unhelpful and at challenging the negative ones before they get out of hand. However, the root of the problem was harder to tackle.

 I was lucky enough to then offered emdr sessions as my nurse felt it would be useful. For me it was the EMDR process that was life changing.  I began therapy being frightened to leave my home for any length of time. I was scared to leave my children or husband and wanted us all to be together all of the time. Even though I knew these safety behaviours were unhelpful I still had panic attacks when I tried to move forward.  Trips away or family holidays felt out of reach as I felt trapped in. Planes/cars/hotel rooms and trying always resulted in a panic attack. I became trapped in the cycle of fearing the fear -  which then cause the thing I was most afraid of - the panic.

I didn’t know what to expect with EMDR and having tried so many other things I wasn’t convinced there was anything that could really help me. How wrong I was.

 I had fortnightly sessions over several months where we unpicked the traumatic memories causing my symptoms and used emdr to reprocess them.  From the very first session I felt an improvement in my mindset. My first sessions uncovered memories I was unaware of having but was later able to confirm with my parents to be true.  I would focus on each memory while being guided by the beeps to tap my hands alternately and my therapist would give prompts as to what to focus on and ask questions.    Gradually the memories I could visualise changed shape and no longer caused me distress. In some sessions we were able to fully process a memory just in that hour.  During this time I would be set goals to work towards - small steps towards moving forward. The first goal was to take a long car journey. I completed it with ease and surprised myself hugely.

The next step was to take a longer journey and stay overnight. Again I was able to do it with very little trepidation and no panic attack. As I took these steps towards my goals we were still working in session on the beliefs I held that were shaping the behaviours and on the memories that felt traumatic. Eventually, I was able to take a trip away from home on a plane and more importantly for the first time in years - actually enjoy it. 

All through my journey with the AMHS I have felt respected, supported and seen. There were sessions where I sobbed and others where I laughed and everything in between. I mostly feel grateful. I know I still have a journey ahead and I need to move forward  but now I feel like I am more in control and have the confidence to do this on my own. I have strategies that will support me and I can draw in these when I need to. I have not had a panic attack since. 

I am so grateful for the NHS and most importantly to the two wonderful therapists who have changed my life so much for the better.