"Maternity policy for partners during the pandemic"

In January 2020 my wife and I discovered that we were having our first child, who was subsequently born in September 2020. On the whole the care my wife and daughter received throughout the pregnancy, birth and in the immediate time afterwards was very good, but my own experiences as a father were somewhat different. I often felt completely shut out of the process and treated as an afterthought.

Our first scan took place in March 2020 at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. As first time parents, this was an incredibly exciting and stressful time, and these scans take on a great deal of sentimental importance to parents in such circumstances. By this time, the serious nature of the covid pandemic was beginning to become clear, but there was no lockdown in place. We attended for our appointment, but upon reaching the reception desk I was told that only pregnant patients were allowed in for the scan, and no partners were permitted.

This was hugely upsetting - seeing our baby for the first time should have been one of the most important moments of our life as a family but we were not able to experience that together and it is something I will always regret missing out on. I had to go and sit in the car for an hour on my own and the combination of disappointment and worry left me in floods of tears. I appreciate these are primarily health checks and that the emotions associated with them are not your main concern, but me not being there was also upsetting for my wife, who was suddenly put into a scary and disconcerting situation without any emotional support, something which I can only imagine can’t be good for anyone involved.

We had received no prior warning about this rule and I had no reason to believe that I wouldn’t be able to attend. I think the least that could have been done would have been to phone or get in touch in some other way to advise us of this rather than the crushing disappointment of arriving at the hospital only to be turned away.

Subsequently, I was also unable to attend the second scan, although I was at least aware in advance that this would be the case. The same applied to various pre-natal appointments at Yorkhill Hospital throughout the pregnancy. Following a change in the rules I was allowed to attend a couple of the final midwife appointments, but again we weren’t ever actually informed of this and instead had to chase it up ourselves. It felt as though throughout the pregnancy I was completely ignored and not considered important enough to be involved in appointments and discussions relating to the health of my own child.

My wife went into labour very suddenly a week before her due date and had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance, with me following in the car. Again, this was a very worrying time for both of us, but I was not able to join her in the hospital while she was assessed, and had to wait in the car park until I received a phone call that she was close to giving birth. At that stage I was able to join her for the birth, and for the first time during the entire pregnancy the midwives in the delivery room actually made me feel part of the process which was very much appreciated. After the birth of my beautiful daughter, I was able to spend around 45 minutes with them before they were both moved to the ward and I had to leave the hospital without any clear information about visiting times. I was subsequently able to visit once on each of the days that they were in the hospital, though I was pleased to be allowed to attend her check-up with the doctor on my first visit - this was very reassuring.

I completely understand the strain which was placed on the NHS and hospitals as a result of covid, and I realise that procedures had to be put into place to protect staff and patients from the risk of the virus. However, I do feel that more consideration should have been given to the emotional wellbeing of both parents during a pregnancy, and that both should be able to attend important landmark appointments such as scans, given that this is the first time we are able to see our children and be reassured about their health. The first scan is the point at which the pregnancy becomes real, and is fundamental in developing an emotional connection with your child, so it was completely devastating to miss out on that.

My experience on the day of the birth when arriving with my wife unexpectedly in labour was equally disappointing - the fact that my wife needed an ambulance was obviously very worrying to me, and yet I was not able to be with her or find out what was happening for a substantial period of time. The same was true after the birth, it felt like I was kicked out of the hospital almost as soon as the birth was done without much information about when I would next see them. It felt like I was considered unimportant, that it was my wife’s baby and not mine and therefore I had no need to be there.

I am hugely grateful for everything the NHS did during the pandemic, and for all the extra hours which staff put in to help save lives and keep the country healthy, and for the risk they put themselves in while many of us were able to stay at home. I am also grateful for the care which my wife and daughter received at every step of the pregnancy. However, it is my sincerest hope that if there are any future pandemics (or a resurgence of the current one), that partners would not be excluded from these key moments in their child’s development.