"I have started to dread seeing dermatology"

I started seeing dermatology a number of years ago due to a complex skin issue, I was reviewed on a regular basis. In December 2019 things deteriorated and I was admitted to hospital for the treatment of a wound, I was made to feel that this was my fault - things such as stress, my shampoo and skin products were blamed.. after significant deterioration in the wound (resulting in very significant scarring) it was decided that the wound was my underlying disease and treatment was changed. 

Over the last couple of years I have started to dread seeing dermatology, I have left so many appointments in tears, ringing friends distressed due to not feeling believed or made to feel belittled in appointments. If I got upset in an appointment I was deemed not coping and needed too see psychology - if I didn’t get upset then it was deemed I was coping too well and needed to see psychology - all this time I was seeing them and they were saying I was doing well and coping etc, it just felt like this was an easy excuse and often these conversations were happening with my wound exposed in a treatment room not even when I was fully clothed. 

In March of this year my skin deteriorated all over- since then dermatology have been giving advice via pictures and I assume verbal descriptions from other consultants, I understand the pandemic and the complexity of my disease but when they are recommending treatments and I would have assumed seeing multiple wounds would have been good practice (Just today I collected prescription for a dressing I have been advised not to use as it has torn my skin in the past)

When I queried the last of being seen with dermatology I had a phone call from the secretary who assured me the dermatologist was very involved and up to date but I struggle to understand how, when they’ve not seen my skin only pictures and wounds change. I was what I felt begrudgingly offered an appointment for after their holidays in august but only if I wanted them to see it. I accepted this appointment but on further reflection thought what is the point when they clearly didn’t want too see it. I’ve multiple severe ulcerations and while I’ve been seen in rheumatology clinics no one in terms of doctors have looked at them in since May or June. 

It’s recently been suggested by a dermatologist elsewhere that I may have a different skin condition and I can’t help but wonder if I had have been seen could this have been detected sooner. I have also tried to make contact with my main team in relation to their current suggestions after receiving a voicemail when I was in another appointment but I’m awaiting reply on this.