"My hospital experience when I gave birth"

I gave birth at Raigmore Hospital in Inverness on 08. 08. 2021. I can't fault the two midwifes and care team who helped me deliver my child. They were amazing! How ever when I was moved onto the ward I felt like I was abandoned from then on when it came to me needing help to breast feed.

I understand that the hospital are very short staffed and I always new breast feeding was going to be hard. But I didn't realise how hard it would be, my child struggled to latch on and the midwifes would aways say buzz if you need help. I always did buzz as she wouldn't latch on or if she did only for a few seconds. The other mums on the ward were needy and were always buzzing for things. How ever I was more than happy to do stuff myself and I only ever buzzed when I needed help with her to latch on.

Many times I had to wait long periods of time before someone would help me including a time where it was 45 minutes. By that time my child was so hungry and crying that it made me cry and stress out. I hated that I couldn't feed her and felt awful knowing that she was upset and I couldn't do anything but wait for help. I am a first time mum and I needed help and support and I didn't feel I got that.

My child had really bad jaundice and I had to stay in hospital for 3. 5 days. Which were stressful and tough for me. It was clear I was really struggling to breast feed so a midwife suggested that I express my milk as she knew how much I wanted my child to have breast milk and I didn't want to use formula. A couple of the midwifes supported me with my decision to try this including a student midwife from Robert Gordon University who I absolutely loved as she was amazing! She is a going to be a brilliant midwife and it was her who made what little good experience of my hospital stay good.

The other midwifes didn't support me and I felt like I was a bad person for wanting to express. I was at this point still trying to breast feed. I was so tired as I wasn't sleeping. After speaking to the midwife who was there when I gave birth, I had the courage to tell the other midwifes that it was my decision to express my milk to give to my child and that I had to as my child wasn't getting from me. Since expressing my milk I was slowly building up the amount, occasionally I had to top up with formula as I wasn't making enough milk for my child. I had a good rhythm. On the day of me being discharged I had to wait 5 hrs for my discharge letter, everyone else was leaving and I was the only one left. Again I understand that the hospital are short staffed. But I needed to get home so my midwife could drop off express pump so I could continue to express my milk.

Unfortunately due to waiting so long for my discharge letter, I didn't get home till 6. 30pm which meant I didn't get the pump till the next day. I couldn't express for over 12 hours which then made what little milk supply I had stop. I had to use formula feeding over night to feed her as I was still struggling to breast feed her. This upset me as I didn't want to use formula.

After 6 stressful and upsetting days I had to accept that I couldn't breast feed, which was extremely hard for me to accept. I still express milk but I don't make enough to feed her so I have to top up using formula. I feel if I got the support I needed I would have been able to breast feed. I feel let down and my hospital experience was very tough and stressful for me.