"My brother chose to die at home"

My brother had been ill for a couple of years. The family knew it was terminal. In June 2018 we were asked to stay on a visit to him in hospital, as the consultant would like to speak to us. He told us they could do nothing else for my brother. 

My brother asked how much longer of life he had left. We were told matter of a few weeks, probably less than a month. My brother and his wife wanted him to return home to die, and it was agreed it was the best thing for the family and especially my brother, who hated  being in hospital.

I went back with my sister in law to get the home ready for him to return home. There was a stressful time when he still  remained in hospital, and no one on the ward were aware he was coming home, endless phone calls were upsetting my sister in law and my brother was stressed as he was still in hospital and was scared he was going to die there. I and my sister in law asked to speak to the person in charge of my brother and the ward. They kindly looked into things and me brother was brought home by ambulance the next day.

Carers were arranged to call in each day to help am and pm. But my brother at the beginning refused to see them, some of the young ladies had been at his daughters school when she attended and he knew them. We eventually requested an older person, again at the beginning he would not have them, but they were  there everyday checking on my sister in law, to see how she was manging.

Weeks turned into months. My brother became skeleton, he was unable to get out of bed, he couldn't eat, couldn't speak, slept a lot, and none of us know what to expect, each little change we thought it was coming to the end. He would wake and say "I'm still  here."

We had a cupboard full of medication, including some that needed to be injected. We had no idea why or when they were to be given, they had arrived with him when he left hospital. It was an incredibly hard and stressful time, because it went on longer than we thought, had no idea what to look for to know it was near to death. No medical visits, just carers, who came to help with his needs of cleaning, changing, etc. My brother died very peacefully in the early hours on the 9th November 2018.

We cared for him not for weeks, but for six months, completely in the dark, watching someone slowly die.